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Shadow Of My Shadow
Shadow Of My Shadow
innocent as
a calf at slaughter
was your way
of presentation
you trailed me
within my shadow
so I would
hardly notice you
but everywhere
I went you followed
like some stalker
tag-along
days came
nights went
ever so slowly
like liquid ooze
I felt the sting
of transformation
as year followed
repetitious year
gradually changes marred
my smooth fair skin
cigarettes and booze
have altered me
the ravages
clearly show
even after
reforming my reckless ways
ever are you silently there
when screamingly
I confront you
with my frustrated
piercing cry
the only sound
you make is...
tick tock
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:32
Dear Shirl,
Thanks, dear girl. I'm so glad you liked it!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:36
Dear Bee,
Time is my stalker. I'm glad it isn't yours, lol.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Hooded Stranger
Wed, 2011-03-16 13:44
Cat
Cat,
I don't remember reading this one before. I really liked the 'stalker' feeling and the climax of tick tock made the whole piece worth while.
I liked the short lines too, just a little detail in each line...leaving enough space for our own imagination.
This line felt as if it was in the wrong tense:
tag along
maybe, 'tagged along'?
I wonder if 'Tick Tock' would be a viable title?
Typical Styx, and yet still new and refreshing.
Definetly a Styx II poem.
regards,
HS
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:39
Dear Dan.
Thank you. This is a new one but it will go in the book. I think I fixed the problem.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:41
Dear Chrys,
I knew you would understand this one. We sometimes think alike. as I told Dan, I think I fixed the problem. How are you doing? I've been thinking about you.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
magics02
Wed, 2011-03-16 23:28
Golden
Some how this one brings me back several months ago of something you had been telling me before you fell ill. I could be wrong but will think on it more. It is a deep piece and I also can relate to it in more ways then one. Great free verse!!
Will be back soon. Missed reading you and hope your a tad better Golden Lady
Blessings and I love your new pic:)
xoxoxo
Mona
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:45
Dearest Mona,
Let me know if you remember what it was that this reminded you of. My short term memory is still on the fritz, but getting better. Thanks for stopping by. It is always a treat to see you. I hope you are doing well.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Thu, 2011-03-17 12:21
Cat
loved every bit of this one.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:46
Dear Lou,
Thanks!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:48
Dear Rosi,
Yes indeed. You read me well.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
brittle light
Thu, 2011-03-17 22:09
..and this is how it's done,
..and this is how it's done, folks...kepy my interest, great contol over form and content , strong theme and style, images pop...just so good. I like this a lot
Al
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:50
Hello Al,
I completely appreciate your comment, thanks!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Thu, 2011-03-17 22:36
Time's Shadow
could be an alternate title. I really enjoyed reading. The only changes I would have suggested would not have improved this, only made it different.....................scribbler
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:53
Thanks Stan,
I am curious about the changes you would have thought of, as is my nature, lol. Thanks for the title suggestion. I considered it, but decided I didn't want to give it away in the title.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
mand
Fri, 2011-03-18 04:20
Hi Cat
You never disappoint ! How time stalks!
ever so slowly
like liquid ooze
I felt the sting
of transformation.
Excellent imagery.-
Thanks for sharing Cat!
Love Mand xxxxx
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-03-19 08:55
Mand!
How nice to see you! And a great compliment, too. Thanks!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.