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Demise
An unholy scream punctures the silent landscape
a flash of light, pierces the gun metal grey.
A Gothic castle, stands starkly against the cruel winter’s sky.
An arched silhouette spans a cell wall .
agony abuses the air.
His body taught as a bow,
jerking in spasm.
A pair of sleek Ravens wings , of vast dimension.
wrenched from his muscular frame.
Banished ,
Discarded upon the sodden earth.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Thu, 2011-03-17 11:52
Shirl
thank you i'm glad that you enjoyed it.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Thu, 2011-03-17 11:44
Dear Lou,
I was enamored of the same lines as Shirl! And these were very good lines as well:
An arched silhouette spans a cell wall .
agony abuses the air.
His body taught as a bow,
jerking in spasm.
Very imagery rich piece! I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work.
Love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Thu, 2011-03-17 11:59
Cat
I am so pleased that you like my poem.
The poem began life as a the start of the first chapter of my Soul Keeper, novel. I decided that it would work as a poem. I may put my Soul Keeper poems, at the beginning of each chapter of my book.
much love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2011-03-18 01:06
Xena
Thanks
Love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
KINGZOMBIE
Thu, 2011-03-17 13:57
Hey Lou
I liked this, like recollections of midevil times, the rack to be specific.Kind of reminded me of something Poe would write.Well done:-)
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
lou
Fri, 2011-03-18 01:07
KZ
Thanks
Love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
mand
Fri, 2011-03-18 03:13
Hi Lou
Woow! vivid imagery. Definatley got a gothic feel - you have a lushous dark imagination. I love the use of language.
Well done Lou
Mand xxxxx
lou
Fri, 2011-03-18 11:49
Mand
thanks
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Fri, 2011-03-18 17:18
hi louise
this is image rich, well thought out and wrote
enjoyed this one cheers ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs ,,,,,nothing to crit
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
lou
Fri, 2011-03-18 17:51
Ziggy
thanks mate
love Louise
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Thu, 2011-03-31 08:39
Jayne
glad that you enjoyed it.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!