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Diversify or simply
Diversify or simply
In my life, I have come to know
That a smile, in people
Are not of love, but smiles of choice
So do I compromise or sacrifice
Diversify or simply
analyze
If their smile can be trusted
Because the words they speak, are wrinkled smiles of lies
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rett
Sat, 2011-03-12 10:58
Hey son!
Nice going here. A couple of spots I am confused on.
So do I compromise or sacrifice
Diversify or simply
Annualize (Do you mean analyze?)
If their smile can be trusted
Because the words they speak, are wrinkle smiles of lies (possibly change to "are wrinkled smiles of lies")
All in all, this is very thought provoking.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin
press
Sat, 2011-03-12 21:23
Hi dad
Whats up with U Dad yes I am a little rusty but happy as hell to get back to writing
author commentRett
Sun, 2011-03-13 20:52
Good to see you back
I'm rusty also. Spending too much time on my novels instead of poetry.
Respectfully,
Rett
"If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed. " Ben Franklin