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Winter

Submitted by autumnphoenix on Thu, 2011-03-10 09:00

Vivid red cocks comb
regal baring feathers preen
Cardinals home in snow.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2011-03-10 11:56

Roscoe Lane's picture

I would like to welcome you, I have never done Japenese poetry,. So i'm sure there are a few hear better to listen to. But i guess this is about the American football team, i hope you note i said American football team. As we over hear in Britain play football and you lot play hand ball roughly. Just joking. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

autumnphoenix

Thu, 2011-03-10 15:16

autumnphoenix's picture

Thanks for the welcome I am a returning neopoet. Actually this is about a cardinal I watched out my window. It was such a snowy day I was struck by the beauty of the red in the snow. I enjoy haiku poetry I am glad you did too.. Thank you for the read and comments

Autumn Phoenix

author comment

Race_9togo

Thu, 2011-03-10 15:28

Race_9togo's picture
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I saw one above my bird feeder, perched in the bare branches of my black walnut tree.
How beautiful your poem is.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

autumnphoenix

Thu, 2011-03-10 15:50

autumnphoenix's picture

Thanks again for reading my little poems. I enjoy this style of poems. Nature gives so many subjects to write about.

Autumn Phoenix

author comment

Kailashana2

Thu, 2011-03-10 17:12

Hi Autumn Phoenix,

I guess this is your first poem posted. Quite lovely athough the first line reminded me more of a rooster (aka a cockerel) with his comb. (The cardinal is the state bird of Ohio.)
As I often poeticize in Haiku or Haikuesque, just wanted to let you know how this might read in the standard 5-7-5 Haiku.

Vivid red cocks comb
Cardinals home in the snow
regal feathers preen

~A

autumnphoenix

Fri, 2011-03-11 18:16

autumnphoenix's picture

Thanks for the read and comment. No this is not my first post. If not mistaken you read one of my poems a day or so ago." Hydrangea". Thanks again for catching my mistake in the pattern. I must beg your pardon. I have posted haiku before and do know the form. I have however mistakenly switched the last two lines.
I have to say it was sloppy of me yet again not to check myself. I will plead stress as the cause. You might be able to find and read some of my other haiku. They should be in the archives if you can find them.

Thank You

Autumn Phoenix

author comment

scribbler

Thu, 2011-03-10 19:42

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the brilliant red of bird and berry
is often seen by those who tarry

I thought it was about a bird at first read. Descriptive Japanese style..................scribbler

autumnphoenix

Fri, 2011-03-11 18:15

autumnphoenix's picture

Thank you for the read and comment. I am glad you could see the subject in the lines.
i hope you read more of my poems and comment on them as you see fit.

Thanks

Autumn Phoenix

author comment
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