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Crossroads

Submitted by Dennis Go on Mon, 2011-02-14 23:51

We walk down the dark roads,
The dark halls that lead
A path to where I hoped it will
Definitely lift my being:
Into the arms of your nourishment
And redeeming.

We climb the steepest hills,
The valleys that echo our voices
Where I yelled a thousand names, which
Only one name answers back
My calls of grief, woe
And misgiving.

I could never disagree on
The fact that it was you who keeps
Guiding my soul on the way
Through the dark halls and steep hills.
Hence, I offer the largest portion
Of my life, the biggest measure
Of what the soul would call:
Meaning.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Kailashana2

Mon, 2011-03-07 08:49

Dennis, connecting words such as which, where, etc. have a way of impeding flow sometimes. Intentional?

dark roads,
paths
to dark halls
how I had hoped
your arms of nourishment
would redeem
and lift my being

We climb the steepest hills,
The valleys that echo our voices:
I shouted a thousand names!
Only one name echos
My grief,
my woes of misgiving

I could never disagree,
it is you who guides
my soul on the way
Through dark halls and steep hills.

In return
I offer the largest portion of life
the measure of what soul would call
its meaning.

Nothing was changed, just words removed and rearranged.

~A

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