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Can I breathe?

Submitted by kowque on Tue, 2024-06-25 15:50

I'm in a constant state of anxiety
I'm scared to even inhale sometimes
I worry,
I'll do something wrong

I feel like,
My entire life,
Is just a constant state of apology.

I'm sorry I breathe.
I'm sorry I'm here.

I didn't ask to be alive

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-06-25 21:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem effectively conveys a sense of overwhelming anxiety and self-doubt. The repetition of "I'm sorry" emphasizes the feeling of constantly apologizing for one's existence. The imagery of being scared to even breathe adds a powerful layer to the poem. To enhance your piece, consider exploring the root of this anxiety further or delving into the internal conflict in more detail. Additionally, experimenting with different poetic devices like metaphors or varied line structures could further enrich your poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Tue, 2024-06-25 17:43

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This is outstanding!I know exactly how you feel!

my only concern here is that you need to exchange the word ( breath for breathe) that is the only thing wrong and it is a small matter of spelling. I very much like this poem because I can fully relate to it!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

kowque

Tue, 2024-06-25 20:44

kowque's picture

Changed it :)

Koki

author comment

RoseBlack

Wed, 2024-06-26 21:52

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I felt and related to this so deeply. I have often felt this way as if my existence should be one big apology. This conveyed those feelings in a beautiful way.

~RoseBlack~

kowque

Wed, 2024-06-26 22:53

kowque's picture

I was trying to convey the hardship of trying to live in a world that expects so much. Sometimes,I feel like I can't give anymore

Like a rock that's bled too much

I've read your work,if nothing else, you are living your purpose. To be a Voice ❤️

Koki

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