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Love through a bird's eye

Her caramel colored hair was encased in a white beanie
the two girls looked more in love than I'd ever seen
it quickened my pulse to hear them sing
more beautiful than a mocking bird's song
the view was gorgeous filled with reds and blues
the two lay out on a cream colored blanket
the girl's robin egg colored eyes turned up towards the stars
as if sugar had been sprinkled on a pink frosted sky
I checked on my children, then looked to the moon smiling a warm good night
then I spread out my wings and flew to the north to spread the story of what I had seen

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


The imagery in "Love through a bird's eye" is truly captivating. The way the speaker describes the two girls, with their caramel and robin egg colors, evokes a sense of warmth and sweetness that is reinforced by the sugary sky and the blanket's cream color. The comparison to a mockingbird's song is particularly effective, as it highlights the beauty and harmony of the lovers' relationship.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to replace "it ruffled my feathers" with something that doesn't break the metaphor of the poem. Perhaps "my heart fluttered" or "my spirit soared" would work better. Another option would be to change "which looked like sugar sprinkled on a frosting pink sky" to "as if sugar had been sprinkled on a pink frosted sky" for smoother phrasing.

Overall, "Love through a bird's eye" is a lovely and enchanting piece that captures the magic of love and the beauty of nature.n\n\ The above is an computer generated response. Please send feedback through

Hello, Viviana,
I cannot say that I am certain who is speaking, or whom they are speaking about - but that doesn't seem to really matter. The feeling of witnessing love is very clear. I very much like the language you've used. Your poetry is unique and refreshing. I agree with the suggestion to use something other than "ruffled my feathers" since that usually has negative connotations, and it doesn't feel like that's the message you are conveying. A magical final line.
Thank you,

I added the changes


author comment

Like I really love this so so much. It’s amazingly descriptive, completely captivating and not heteronormative. I commend you and I’m touched and honored to honored to have read what you’ve shared.

Excellent poetry!

its about my ex gf and i really liked the birds eye view so i decided to write this poem as a last goodbye to her


author comment

I am truly sorry to hear about your break up. I think knowing how personal the event is strengthens the poem for me. As I imagine the difficult feelings being processed I imagine myself feeling the loss but I’m also still that bird looking down from above third person omniscient.

I hope you’re doing ok and I want to thank you again for sharing this beautiful poem.


it means a lot to hear that


author comment
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