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In the Land of Chaos... [the last zombie]

he stands on the hill
less than a man
skin rotted, feet molded
bones showing through hands

the warmth of the sun
unfelt on his skin
the blue of the sky
touches nothing within

wind gently flapping
his barely-there clothes
the face that is showing
slack in repose

the fire of motion
no longer in play
he stands calmly waiting
on the last day

a thing that has driven
his body along
isn't there any longer
last notes of the song

the hunger has died
no reason is left
the song has just gone
and now he is deaf

he crumbles, now sitting
with jaws open wide
the spark of once human
has finally died

sunshine caresses
his bleaching white bones
cleansing the air
the wind whistles tones

next to the zombie
his spark gone at last
I sit with my tears
remember the past

I wonder now
how will I die?
remembered by whom
and will they cry?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Thank you Deep Focus Music for studying, "Quiet Quest". This music provided the inspiration for this poem.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Their take with fungal infection zombies is really interesting. Timely to make it into a show after the pandemic, because that's what it is in the games that the show is based on.

Your lines:

less than a man
skin rotted, feet molded

made me think of that show, because in some ways, they made these zombies more than just a person. They become a person overgrown with this monstrous fungus. Neat stuff. Terrifying, but neat.

A few lines later you have:

the warmth of the sun
unfelt on his skin

which is painfully beautiful to me. That is the entire tragedy of horror summed up really poignantly. What follows the fear and pain of horror is the pain of loss and grief. That's why I cry watching horror movies and shows half the time. lol

A few things to consider:

- his barely there clothes --> barely-there

- the shift to first person ("I") POV in the last stanza is a bit jarring:

Nothing prior in the poem gives the reader any indication that the zombie has retained sentience. The entire poem actually seems to point to the contrary, but then, surprise, we get his perspective. There is nothing wrong with this, but like I said, can be jarring, which isn't always what the poet intends. It's like the twist at the end of a movie, but sometimes those feel cheap/forced/lazy.

You may want to consider somehow adding a tiny hint somewhere early in the poem that foreshadows this shift to his perspective and intact sentience.

Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey

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This left me speechless- these lines:

I wonder now
how will I die?
remembered by whom
and will they cry?

The things we think about when we realize time is moving faster than we ever gave thought- Those lines give us much to think about. The overall poem was fantastic- but I am partial to zombies and the likes. Great job!

~RoseBlack~

Yes, I wonder, as I suppose most people do, at least every now and then. My character sitting alongside of the zombie as it crumbles, thinks that perhaps he is the last person alive. He wonders if maybe there is no one that will mourn him. I'm glad that you enjoyed! ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

for your wishes in the contest. No, my wife and I have been watching the zombie apocalypse
The Walking Dead and the spin off Fear the Walking Dead since their inception.
The Walking Dead has concluded after over a decade of shows and
Fear the Walking Dead is soon to follow. There are other shows that will fill the slots,
in the coming months, and we look forward to them. Some of the cast
will reprise their roles in the new shows, while some will doubtless be killed off.
The I referred to, is the last human left; [at least the last that he knows of].
[Witness the line: 'next to the zombie']. The zombies have an insatiable hunger for human flesh,
they have not retained sentience, rather a mindless hunger. Thank you for your read and comments, much appreciated. ~ Geezer.
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author comment

I wasn't making the right interpretation on

"next to the zombie
his spark gone at last
I sit with my tears
remember the past"

All clear now.

My sister-in-law and brother really enjoyed The Walking Dead. I never got into it, but heard a lot of good things. I don't think I realized that there would be more stories told in that world after Fear the Walking Dead!

Kelsey

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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I love anything to do with Zombies, books, films, but I think this is the first poem I have seen. Loves it. Alex

that you enjoyed this. I'm sure that there will eventually be another, just not when. I have another, but I am trying to find time to edit it. Once I do, it will be reposted. Keep watching. ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

called Warm Bodies that I really enjoyed. It's based on a book. It's not a good movie for little kids - PG-13 rating - but it has a really good ending!

Kelsey

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have seen the one you speak of; yes, it was very cute! I'm sure that it is good for children to watch, so that they don't have nightmares about zombie apocalypse, as children are wont to do. I remember having nightmares about "The Creature From the Black Lagoon". I was twelve and went to see it alone. That movie scared me so bad, that I wouldn't swim in anything but a swimming pool for the whole next year! ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

I love how the beginning of this poem was able to express to readers how the zombie, presumably is hardly conscious because he is so unbothered by his senses "the warmth of the sun, unfelt on his skin" and "the blue of the sky touches nothing within." I think it's honorable that if you were to take away the "the last zombie" from the title, even without saying zombie within the poem readers may still be able to grasp the character you've created.

The second half of the poem, from my perspective, focuses more on the soul of the zombie, though he no longer has one, you did a great job expressing how depressing from an outsider's perspective it is for that soul to finally die. This was a very interesting theme and reminded me a bit of the new TV series "The last of us," as the show revolves around these "infected" who act similarly to the traditional 'zombie', they were once human but because they are now infected they are hardly conscious and act more as animals. I always wondered watching this show what it would be like to lose yourself but still technically be alive and whether there would still be parts of you conscious in that state. I think this poem does a good job analyzing this theme. Great work,

Leo

two stanzas are about another LIVING being. Not a zombie; they sit down beside the rotting zombie in a pile and wonder if they are the last so-called 'human' left alive, and if they will be mourned. ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

Wow, completely blown away by this.

I liked the rhythm and the effect it has for the reader plus the contemplative tone running through the verses.

The metaphors, such as sun touching sky and his barely there clothes were immpresive and really helped to paint an image that held me until the end.

For fans of zombies and science fiction this is very appealing, I loved it :) x

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

your read and comments. I tried to give the scene some 'life', [pun intended]. I needed to accent the final scene with the
natural end of death and decay. The promise of the sun and the wind offering a satisfying end to a saga. ~ Geezer.
.

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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