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Uninhibited Lady...

She is uninhibited
and her eyes are open wide
She blinks with innocence
and asks the question why?

No one has seen her heart
though she wears it on her sleeve
She's a liberal lover
she's got a heart that bleeds

He is alone, no family
that is how it seems
He's just the one she's looking for
the product of her dreams

Scintillating aura
hides a darkened soul
sick and twisted reasoning
seduction is her goal

To suck up all the goodness
from all those lucky men
Leaving desiccated husks
in her hidden glen

Uninhibited by her nature
she swings every single day
eating up her partners
then she throws them all away

A flash of green and yellow
She's tearing off his head
He's still trembling, body shaking
Damn! He wasn't even dead!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Sounds like a praying mantis in human form!!! The hunger is real in more than one way! Awesome write!

~RoseBlack~

I wonder where the reply went? I know I did, but maybe it was lost along with my head? Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Geez.
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author comment

All those dudes thought it was worth it! I promise you! In fact it’s a meme I send to my wife. The female standing over the headless male with the text in a cloud blurb “it was worth it”. And it always is!

Tim

you are right, it is worth it! Unfortunately, we never discover that we have made a brainless decision, until afterward.
Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

a lot of energy in this one!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

The whole thing was written in about a half-hour, edit and all. I just felt the energy rushing through my body. There were many different thoughts going through my head and I completely lost it! LoL ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Hi, Geezer,
A witty, wild poem! I really enjoyed this!
L

Wow, Geezer, that's scary. I like the rhythm and rhyme throughout, and the first two stanzas I thought would be a poem nice and light but then it got predatory and it seemed to me you were speaking about some of the rampant and aggressive feminists I've met who appear to be man-haters. Despite the feelings aroused, it's very good, especially when I read it aloud. Thanks.

And knew exactly who this supposed lady was. Absolutely brilliant entry into the competition. I went over all of it a couple of times and I can't find anything wrong it with. Absolute credit the rhythm and rhyme were perfect for me. I spoke it out loud and thought yep this is awesome. Isn't it great when they just flow out. I've been physically writing for the last few years and I find when I am using an actual pencil. (I never write in pen until the finished product actually.) They just emit from the pencil. I've now got a collection of about 12 journals full of poetry from just the last year and a half.

Sorry for the ramble.

Bravo and good luck in the competition!!

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

for the ramble. I love it when we have something to say about the personal part that gets touched. Love and higgest bugs,
~ Bro.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

You have excellent use of near rhyme which is not easy to do well

there are indeed! Near rhyme is a nice thing to have a good command of. It has helped me with plenty of lines that would have been left out or badly broken. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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