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A MAN ON FIRE

Submitted by Jackweb on Sun, 2022-09-04 05:05

Thoughts in me are alive,
They're pulling out in flames,
A poet's mind is on fire,
In a deep creative blaze.

Each night and day,
I felt the embers glow,
I'm now a burning candle,
grafted from a divine light.

Who will help me out?
Who will bring peace to me?
I'm restive in my own self,
like a wild fire blazing...

This night I wrestled alone,
but this fire can't free me,
it kept clutching me down,
while I was yielding its light.

I knew what this all about,
when it comes, it ignites,
enlightening me heavily,
but weary of it's presence.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 4th To September 10th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2022-09-04 10:07

Geezer's picture
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there are times when I get weary of beating a dead horse too! It seems like we go over and over the same issues without any
obvious effect. Your piece reflects the weariness and exasperation with simple language, and it flows well from beginning to end. I would change only two words, in the first line, it should be: "Thoughts in me [are] alive, and in the fourth stanza, it should be, "[while] I was yielding its' light." Everything else is good. ~ Geezer.
.

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Jackweb

Sun, 2022-09-04 11:06

Jackweb's picture

Thank you so much for your advice. It really fits in!

Truly, I couldn't sleep at all today. Verses kept coming in...Until I wrote this!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Thu, 2022-09-08 18:00

Ray Whitaker's picture

I thought the rhyme and rhythm seems a bit forced, until I saw that each stanza's last two lines end with 13 syllables. Did you design that, or just was that your muse?

that life is full of burning issues... it never stops...

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Jackweb

Fri, 2022-09-09 00:33

Jackweb's picture

Well, Ray, that's your observation. But the poem is not forced! That just my muse. I don't know if you have noticed when inspirations comes upon your head, how do you feel? I couldn't sleep until I penned down this poem. Read the poem thrice and you will get the message well. Thanks for stopping by.

.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Fri, 2022-09-09 07:15

Ray Whitaker's picture

I understand. Interesting that yiur poem has the almost identical syllable count in the last two lines of each stanza. Didn’t mean to be upsetting to you….

Nice poem here.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Jackweb

Fri, 2022-09-09 11:40

Jackweb's picture

Thank you so much !
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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