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Neopet challenge #17 A Letter To My Ex (second one)
A Letter To My Ex
you passed,
so swiftly so silently,
like a soft breeze
or a whisper on the wind.
left me here to my own devices
my sea legs not yet established.
like a drunken man
I swerve and wobble.
looking to your sudden passing
I am weakened I am hobbled
cannot remember my own name...
or how to make my cold bed
you left without warning
leaving me in the soulless lands
no water in sight...
or your quixotic smile.
how will I survive this
rugged Wilder land?
gathering my wits
after the hardest blow.
I find your ghost
in the imprint on my brain
so easy to impress
you were so enigmatic,
like no other I had known...
good in an emergency
I scrutinize the facts:
you have passed beyond my reach
and I can never bring you back!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-07-04 09:05
Always
Always a pleasure reading your work. This is a sad tale so many have to live daily. Thanks for your wonderful contributions. I really like this one.
“leaving me in the soulless lands
no water in sight...
or your quixotic smile.
how will I survive this
rugged Wilder land?”
Stop making me look like a hack please! For the love of Mother Earth that’s absolutely brilliant. Quixotic? Really? Such a specific and well placed adjective.
Awesome,
Tim
Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-07-04 10:28
dearest Tim,
I am flattered by your compliments...but I feel that you have greatness in your genes.
thank you for reading my poems. I really appreciate it.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2022-07-04 11:49
Touching, well presented
Touching, well presented piece, Cat.
Obi.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-07-04 17:54
hey Obi,
how are you doing this evening? thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate these words from you!
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
eddy says hello!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-07-05 06:55
Now this...
is what I'm talking about! This isn't rhymed at all, and I guess that makes the difference. Damn, this is great stuff! If this is the way you are going to do free-verse, you should just keep doing it and forget about that rhyme stuff. LoL . You just left eddy at the station. Not that he isn't good, and a part of who you are, but he can't hold a candle to your free-verse! Awesome stuff! You might want to make the line:"Enigmatic were you", "You were so enigmatic".
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-05 07:06
thank you Geezer,
I have to say that styx helped out a bit with this poem. I like your suggestion and shall implement it soon. thanks for your patience, and all the help you have always given me...
*hugs, Cat
*
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-07-05 13:52
It's been...
my pleasure always, as all I want is to see you flourish. Tell eddy, that whatever part he plays, he is always welcome to whatever help I give him too. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-05 14:57
oh he knows...
and thanks you kindly as he respects you and the guys ;)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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