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My father
As a child so tiny, so small, so innocent, very quiet.
A wonder how to have grown up at all, with those mis-placed memories.
Only ones I recall were scary enough to cause nightmares.
No wonder my mind is blank, like my stare sometimes,
I just sit and stare into a space that was created along time ago.
An empty feeling in my heart for my father.
What is a father to a small child, at a tender young age, too small to remember.
That cold feeling of a hand on my feet
dragging me to misery and pain
So I went away to an empty space, so dark, so cold all alone.
Afraid to come back to see, to feel, to know what's been done to me, was all wrong.
my father was no man, no dad.
All I knew of him was misery and painful hurt.
There were no playful, joyful days, nothing that could be called sane.
I was frozen in a dungeon alone, my sisters would try comfort me
If only they could.
No my father was No Father at all.
Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-06-04 05:09
dear Dori,
I'm so sorry that your Father was a Monster and that he tortured you. in my case my mother was the monster, and my dad was wonderful. I can relate to the blank stares of disassociation when something deep inside you took over to protect you from the abuse, numbing your feelings. I hope time has made the memories less painful. I know what it is like to disassociate into another personality. keep on writing out your feelings. it is cathartic, or so I have found. that you have survived is a miracle.
I just sit and stare into a space that was created along time ago. (space between a and long)
*hugs, Cat
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Dorilove
Sun, 2022-06-05 14:48
new to this site
thank you Cat
I do have a lot of memories that are blocked out
I am a survivor for sure
I have had a lot of counseling and therapy for this and more!
have a great day!!
Hugs Dori