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Palminervia leaf
We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
intaking this smell of palminervia leaf
We eloped together as my nose touches yours
My mind puzzled
By its scent I think,
Simple matters in a palminervia leaf
Like simple life
Like oxygen in your lungs
like words spewed
as your breath
blows them words like the wind blows a palminervia leaf
flapping words through the bending of its leaf
then away it goes
from my hand to the ground
the exchange blessing still exists
as spewed words
are in the mist.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Mr joghe
Fri, 2022-06-03 03:38
I think your poem is
I think your poem is metaphorical poem.
Your love for natural things cannot be underestimated.
I think you used an inanimate object 'flower' to buttress your emotional expression.
The wedding takes place in line 1-5 'We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
intaking this smell of palminervia leaf
We eloped together as my nose touches yours...'
I think you are addressing another person in line 7 'By its scent I think,'
I like your poem. Good work!
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-06-03 07:15
hello Sylvester,
welcome to Neopoet! I hope your poetry finds a home here. if you have any questions about the site, or need help, just ask and I will try to help. if I can't, then I will find someone who can :) in this line: "blows (them) words like the wind blows a palminervia leaf" may I suggest that you use the word (those) instead of (them)? my favorite lines are:
We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
(intaking) this smell of palminervia leaf (in taking)
We eloped together as my nose touches yours
I much enjoyed your poem. am looking forward to reading more of your poetry!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ray Whitaker
Thu, 2022-06-30 17:53
What is a "Palminervia Leaf?"
I can't find it in the dictionary
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-06-30 18:04
This is lovely
Welcome to neopoet. I love the comparison between the wedding and the palminervia leaf, the joining of the couple and the cycle of the leaf have a metaphoric meaning all wrapped into a gentle, loving blanket. Good read.
~RoseBlack~