Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

MORNING AROMA ( RANDOM CHALLENGE 14)

Submitted by Jackweb on Mon, 2022-04-25 17:02

Your body scent
drops a flourish fragrance
like jasmine; a sweet floral
smells travel ascending to the moon

a feminine sweetness tenaciously
rousing my love and admiring you more
your aroma is now necessary
for me alone to inhale

you are
the goddess of love
you're beautiful
strong floral and
sweet fragrance
that is highly romantic
I'll pause the sun not to shine against thee
untill it turns into short-wave length color
for you're not eligible to change into black skin

you're my morning aroma
I will never give chance for odious
aroma to penetrate here
your scent anoints my environment
and there is fullness of joy of peace

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-04-26 08:09

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

in this line: like a jasmine; a sweet floral. remove the first "a" so it reads:

(like jasmine; a sweet floral)

this line is awkward: rousing my love and (staring) more on you

the problem word is the one in parentheses maybe use (gazing or admiring) then take out (on)

I really like your poem these are my favorite lines:

your aroma is now necessary
for me alone to inhale

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Jackweb

Tue, 2022-04-26 10:07

Jackweb's picture

I will work on it.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-04-26 10:18

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

it flows so much better now with the changes!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.