Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
I'm Emotionally Broken
I am emotionally broken and angered
a boy beast pounced like a bird of prey
on a feminine skin with heavy
punch on her eye lid she bleeds
I'm emotionally instigated
trouble awakes with fearless ambition
causing nuisances and
stirring war of attrition
I'm emotionally outraged
this attempt of molestation
a stage fight against a woman
shall never go scot free
I'm emotionally disappointed
our own is now against us
our own is now hunting us
our own is now bet to fight
I'm emotionally stabbed
beyond forgiving
this threat of life
is now ripened
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-04-07 07:07
dear Jack,
in this line: I'm emotionally outrageous I think you mean (outraged)
these lines effected me the most:
I'm emotionally disappointed
our own is now against us
our own is now hunting us
our own is now bet to fight
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Thu, 2022-04-07 08:08
Yes
You are on point. I'm changing it right away
Thank you so much Cat
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-04-07 21:54
Hi Jack
This piece is emotionally charged. A brave and well written expression of an ongoing issue that is all too often minimized. Well done.
~RoseBlack~
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-04-08 13:00
Infinite thanks RoseBlack for
Infinite thanks RoseBlack for reading through. It's a current issue right now. My only sister was terribly beaten by a cousin.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
RoseBlack
Fri, 2022-04-08 13:45
My pleasure
This is a problem that seems all to 'normal' in today's world. Revictimizing the victim has become acceptable. The very reasons why domestic violence victims don't speak up. Raising awareness is the only way to make progress
~RoseBlack~
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-04-08 14:07
Exactly
You nailed it. That's plain truth RoseBlack! Thank you for the analysis.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Ray Whitaker
Thu, 2022-04-07 23:20
Wow!
So appealing to one's place in emotion. So cleverly written! This not only struck a nerve, in me, it pushed me as well into thinking about the distance in our lives.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-04-08 12:59
Yes indeed
Ray that's just it. You nailed it through. It was written because of family issue. My only sister was beaten by a cousin.
Thanks for reading through.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-04-08 09:08
dear Jack,
one more little thing: in this line: shall never scot go free (shall never go scot free) reverse go and scot.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-04-08 12:57
Thanks Cat
I will correct that immediately
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb