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THE CLOUD MOOD (edited)

THE CLOUD MOOD

The sky is raging in different forms
with over clouded moving clouds
stimulating feats of fear and tremble
the earth is now under siege of uncertainty

the dark clouds matching forward
in terrifying out look
celestial bodies now in disarray
stars and the moon eloped

now thunder and lightening breaks out
the wind is swinging
the wether is becoming dark
and everyone runs to his discretion

few minutes left, the cloud frowns
thunderous outburst of cracking sounds
and heavy icy rain drops
baptizing the mother earth

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

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Comments

an excellent idea, fresh and inventive. there a few structural missteps. If you read it out loud, I think this will help you solve your problems. you have a good base.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Noted. I will try and trash out... Thank you so much Cat!

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

the structural problems might be corrected with just an easy read aloud. Your language, being of different construction than English, makes for problems, when the translation is made. I see you are gathering knowledge about how to write in one language, while thinking in another. If you hear it out loud, in English, as compared to the way you wrote it in your language, you will hear the difference. It's good in either language, but we are not fluent in yours. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Noted. Thank you for your feed back. I will try my best.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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