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LOVELY ROSES .....2014 COMPO edit Gee
A message deliver,
the arrival of a new lover is near
we all love roses
my dear
never the thorns ever fear
they prick just slightly
you are used to worse ones
so let all roses speak for you
your true love
she must earn
in the desire of innate love
she may like to burn
like a moth to a flame.
beautiful roses
she will get in return
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-03-29 01:05
I think...
you need a different word than [severer]. maybe try [worse]?
and how about moth rather than butterfly? [They are usually associated with a flame].
"Like a moth to a flame." ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Tue, 2022-03-29 13:39
as you like it
Gee
thanks to thee
modern touch may be
Geezer
Wed, 2022-03-30 08:43
No...
as you like! I did not edit your poem. I offer critique and suggestions, and I didn't think that I had to add as I so often do, that they are suggestions only and you can do as you like, including using your own edits.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-03-30 07:50
dear lovedly,
I think (pricks) works as in worse knocks, hits, hurts ect. it is all in the way you see it. it is a beautiful poem, with a bit of philosophy thrown in. I like it alot!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lovedly
Wed, 2022-03-30 11:47
yes Cats
once before I changed pricks to a softer word
once I recall
shall change it
Thanks all
any help
do call
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-03-30 11:52
NO!
don't change it!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lovedly
Wed, 2022-03-30 12:42
Thanks
Cats
always am
have been and will b
u do c