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THE AWAKENING LIGHT

Submitted by Jackweb on Thu, 2022-03-24 06:07

It came again with a great awakening light,
I could see the inspiration coming right,
when night is asleep the muse keeps coming,
heralding a good news in my mind humming.

sound of poetic language playing inside,
I try as much as I could rehearse it with pride,
now I'm enveloped under a gracious muse,
scintillating tunes resonating a poetic fuse.

my thought is now electrifying the night,
with my emotional creative energy of might,
I'm now lifting a wall of darkness beyond,
my poetry is ripened like a tree of almond.

it came again with a great awakening light,
I'm now creatively enjoying a great delight,
the functionality of this precious muse,
has turned to be my virtual recluse.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2022-03-24 07:02

Candlewitch's picture
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in S1 L3 (keeps) instead of keep
in S3 L3 lifting (a) wall
in S3 L4 my poetry is riped like tree of almond. my poetry is (ripened) like (a) tree of almond

all in all, a good poem to uplift the spirits.one I enjoyed in the early morning. keep up the good work, Jack!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Jackweb

Thu, 2022-03-24 08:02

Jackweb's picture

Thank you so much Cat for your intelligent proofreading! You are the best!
I will edit immediate.

My regards!

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

One

Fri, 2022-03-25 05:40

One's picture

I read this before Cat offered her advice. I now don't need to make the same comments as she has pinpointed the obvious changes. You've now got yourself a clever poem.

My only suggestion is how about "Awakening light" rather than wakening light?

Other than that this is good to go.

This works a treat & is a great concluding ending line- "the functionality of this precious muse,
has turned to be my virtual recluse"

Keep 'em coming!

Regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

Jackweb

Fri, 2022-03-25 07:19

Jackweb's picture

(One )I appreciate your time and comments given to my poem.

So the best is "Awakening light" not "Wakening".?

You know English language is not my first language. Creating the right syntax; that's a challenge for us.
What is the right usage now? So I can fix immediately. Thanks!

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2022-03-25 10:09

Geezer's picture
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the correct usage is Awakening. Candlewitch and One have both given you great critique. Nothing left for me to say but thank you for a great piece of work! ~ Geez.
.

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