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Defilement

Submitted by Race_9togo on Mon, 2022-03-21 22:13

When a great leader’s falsehood is revealed
In foulness of war against innocence, pursued
as nothing but pure murder,

The summit he once climbed to stand upon
becomes a people’s hope polluted,
when a great leader’s falsehood is revealed;

and the hope that soared after empire had gone
crawled back into a poisonous destruction, reviled
as nothing but pure murder

by hopelessness and agony inexorably drawn
by once-revered soul warped by innocence destroyed
when a great leader’s falsehood is revealed;

for now he wages war against once-family upon
a wide and peaceful land none knew would be a field
as nothing but pure murder,

and so, as thousands on both shattered sides are gone,
he celebrates his so-called victory in blood of innocents defiled
When a great leader’s falsehood is revealed
as nothing but pure murder.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

One

Tue, 2022-03-22 05:19

One's picture

very topical piece representing the Ukraine/Russian invasion.

A tough topic to poeticise but I feel you've done well to capture the moment.

This piece can be attributed to many leaders involved in war. Tony Blair would struggle to read this & not see himself in this piece, this is just one example of false leaders who seem only happy in dealing out death to innocents.

I won't go on as this would be a book in itself.

Well structured poem & this stanza stuck out for me as the whole point of the piece:

"The summit he once climbed to stand upon
becomes a people’s hope polluted,
when a great leader’s falsehood is revealed"

Enjoyed as a poem, but shame we even have this theme available to us.

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

Race_9togo

Tue, 2022-03-22 15:22

Race_9togo's picture
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I deliberately made no mention of Putin or Ukraine, because I want people to identify as many of these false leaders as they can.
The villanelle is a highly structured form of poetry, which is why I'm using the form a bit; its strictures are a challenge.
Yes, it is a shame that we feel compelled to write about such things, but our leaders love strife and war because those things divide us.
But I am glad that you enjoyed my effort.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-03-22 07:50

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I agree with "One's" assessment of this piece. your wonderful heart and empathy shine trough out the entire piece. not only a murderer, but a madman is Putin!

*hugs, Cat

*

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Race_9togo

Tue, 2022-03-22 15:30

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But I must ask that you please not call Putin a madman.
Calling a rank, murderous criminal a madman strongly implies that he cannot help himself because of some kind of mental deficiency. Lawyers and courts in the US do this a lot, calling white criminals 'mentally ill', when minorities get the book thrown at them.
Putin is not a madman. He is a criminal, a calculating, callous killer who thinks nothing of murdering innocent women and children in his quest to turn Ukraine into a part of his new Russian Empire. His effort is doomed to fail. His conscripted army has shown itself to be second rate, and the Ukrainians will never stop fighting, until no Russian jackboots stain Ukrainian soil.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-03-22 16:30

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got ya! can I call him a monster?

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Race_9togo

Wed, 2022-03-23 10:25

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That is what he really is.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

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