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One Switch
A switch has been flicked today.
A switch unlike any other.
One which can never be turned off.
One which controls all the lights.
One which doesn’t need power.
One which doesn’t flicker when others are turned off.
One which doesn’t flicker when others are turned on.
One which switches off more than it switches on.
One which increases the intensity of one light.
One light of greatness.
One for life.
Lives for life.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Mindset-themed
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2022-03-16 20:58
I am not...
enthused with the onerous [One], I would rather you take the time to say: this, that, which, and various other designations
and not [a repeat of one]. Otherwise, a good subject. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-03-17 08:24
nice to meet you!
Geez already said what I was going to say. good advice.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
One
Fri, 2022-03-18 04:42
Devil's Advocate
I personally enjoyed the repetition, it cemented the point of where you were taking this & gave it a unique element.
Although Gee & Cat are right to express their opinion & after all that's all it is, I see what they mean & using their suggestions to be more direct as it would be a useful tool to see if it would develop better.
Then compare both versions & maybe use elements of your original style & the suggested ideas to craft a new one?
At the end of the day, it's your poem & you do with it as you feel right.
Tight, short & unique poem...I enjoyed.
regards
One
.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2022-03-18 11:35
Nice piece
While I rarely use repetition to the degree you have here, I do find it a useful tool on occasion of needing to make a point, in case the reader missed it.
I also think that you should add a line near or at the end, to follow the form you set up at the beginning of the piece.
I did enjoy this piece, liked the mystery of it, and encourage you.
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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