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Tinnitus
It’s so loud
But there’s no sound
It’s all in my head
Never to be found
Like a scream
Endlessly in pain
Always lurking around
At the edges of my brain
I can never quite tell
Where it’s from
Or the message it carries
But I wish it gone
For a moment in silence
When the world is quiet
For the peace never found
In an eternal riot
I ca hear it still
Just static white noise
Its like drowning in sound
And I can feel the level rise
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2022-03-14 00:24
Your poem is good...
and gives most people and idea of what it would be like to suffer from Tinnitus!
Your title is okay, but just...
I have had Tinnitus for the last forty years!
I only think about it, when someone else mentions it
or I have to turn my T.V. up so that I can hear what they are saying.
It does become just background noise after a while.
Depending on my blood pressure and other stimuli, for me, it can be
birds chirriping or just a steady high-pitched sound or a warbling
rising and falling kind of thing. Most times it doesn't bother me anymore
but like you, sometimes, I wish for some peace and quiet.
I like that you used plain language. All in all, a good solid poem, with an
[n] missing from the fourth line from the end of your work. [can]. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Sabiha Khan
Mon, 2022-03-14 17:45
thanks for the feedback
Thankyou vey much for the feedback, really appreciate it. I have only noticed my tinnitus recently (its getting worse) and I'm still adjusting, hopefully it'll get better over time.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2022-03-14 09:38
hello, nice to meet you!
I really agree with you, especially with these two lines:
"Just static white noise
Its like drowning in sound"
it is the worst at bed time, when trying to go to sleep. time has reduced it's noise. the only time I think about it is at bed time and when some one else mentions it. your descriptions are dead on! a great piece, to be sure.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Sabiha Khan
Mon, 2022-03-14 17:47
Thanksss
Thankyou very much for the comment and yeah it really is worst in bed. Hopefully it'll get better for me over time as well :).
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2022-03-14 13:25
I like your piece,
I like your piece,
(it does what it says on the box)
It maybe could benefit with a pruning of superfluous words?
and perhaps omit the odd forced rhyme?
Wha' do ya think?
obi...... (did enjoy it)
Sabiha Khan
Mon, 2022-03-14 17:50
thanks for the feedback
Thankyou so much for the feedback...really appreciate it. I will try to improve on it.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2022-03-14 15:10
new in town...
if you need help with navigating the poetry site, just ask. under the resources tab you will find "Contact Neopoet" have a great time. feel free to comment on other poet's work, too.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Sabiha Khan
Mon, 2022-03-14 17:48
Thanks again
Aw thankyou. Really appreciate it. Would definitely ask if I need anything.
author comment