Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

losing to the flow

Submitted by Clobro on Sat, 2022-03-05 01:48

life keeps spinning
out of control
all the time, i
want to try

although i lack
experience,
i'll keep going
and running

eventually
i'll reach an end,
please empathize
and listen

to my eyes.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2022-03-05 08:38

Your title is good...

I think I understand what you are trying to say. You are trying to get with the program, but just can't seem to get in step. I know how that feels. There are times when I feel the same. Life goes at such a dizzying pace these days; everything seems to be faster and faster. You are not alone, many people are trying to slow down, catch-up and just get a sense of where they are headed. Your flow is fine here, it shows the reader just how hard you are trying. Your language use is fine and the end begs for understanding. I'm not quite sure about the last line, but I think that you are saying that you cannot or are afraid to speak, or maybe people just aren't listening? Overall, a fair poem. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Clobro

Sat, 2022-03-05 15:41