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I like to pretend.
A poem died inside of me
A little while ago
Written by that little bird
Who lives inside my heart
And I like to pretend
That it was never there at all
I like to pretend
That I'm still alive
Without it
I like to pretend
That I can ever write another like it
Myself
That it doesn't echo back at me
Through the aching in my bones
That it doesn't croak
Like the worn-out stairs
of regret
But I know
More than well
That I am still shedding its ashes
through my tears
And I know
More than well
It never really died
To begin with
But
it's easier to say it did
And it's easy because
No one really asks about it
Anymore
Except the little bird who wrote it
Withering away
In its early tomb
Buried beneath the lifeless life
I've used to ignore its chirps
I like to pretend
I've forgotten the mellifluous voice
That used to lull me to sleep
I like to pretend
But I'm not very good at it
And neither are you.
Comments
Jackweb
Sat, 2022-02-26 07:13
Well written!
Excellent piece! The stanzas are relatively connected. And it maintained it's usuall rhytm.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Thepoetofnorwoo...
Sat, 2022-02-26 11:41
Thank you!
Really appreciate you taking the time for taking the time to read and reply! Thanks :)
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-02-26 10:45
hello,
a good poem. you get your point across well. a few suggestions:
remove the word, "and" at the beginning of the second verse.
remove "that at beginning at the start of the fourth verse.
actually you could remove all of the "thats" from the poem
the last line doesn't sit well with me.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Thepoetofnorwoo...
Sat, 2022-02-26 11:49
Hello!
I see how that would help improve the poem's quality. I wasn't too sure I worded the last line well either. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-02-26 14:13
:)
you are very welcome!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Sat, 2022-02-26 18:01
I'm in agreement...
with Candlewitch, the overall poem is pretty darned good! I would delete the word [life] from the line: "buried beneath the lifeless [life] and maybe use [soul]? Nothing much else that I would do with this one. Pretty good! [Yes, get rid of all those [thats]. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Thepoetofnorwoo...
Sun, 2022-02-27 18:34
I agree that it would make it
I agree that it would make it less repetitive. Its been very helpful getting others opinions so thanks for your feedback!