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A Man of Protocol

Submitted by Chiori on Wed, 2021-12-22 07:18

A Man of protocol
Look at him, again and again
His trousers well ironed
Shirt and tie and a piece of pen.

He walks like a saint
Smiles sometimes and frowns to bullshit
A man of poise and integrity,
But his pocket is dry
And their might be SAPA in his house.

He runs from bribe
He prefer to die of hunger
He's a man of protocol indeed
He believes in his forefathers.

See your forefathers failed you twice one this
Hey negro

Here goats moves anyhow
People piss and shit anyhow
Cows roam around anyhow
Government steal funds anyhow

For you to survive here
Leave protocols
And live anyhow.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
SAPA the word is slang that means scarcity, lack or even poverty
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2021-12-23 13:02

Geezer's picture
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of pen? I would choose another word instead of [piece].

1] How about a [leaky] pen?
2] [There] might be SAPA in his house.
3] Your forefathers failed you twice [on] this
4] goats [move] anyhow
5] People [still] piss and shit anyhow
6] Cows roam around anyhow
7] [The] government will steal, anyhow

Well told, anyhow.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Jackweb

Thu, 2021-12-23 17:50

Jackweb's picture

The poem pictured a civil servant in active service who is trying to maintain his religious standard. Should I call him Mr. 'holy holy'! Though he never wanted to be part of bandwagons in soiling his hands in corruptible activities. Even though he goes to bed hungry that doesn't affect him. He remains who he's, and go farther to keep his integrity.

Very sensitive poem. That's a plain truth. Such people are found everywhere in the world.

Good piece!

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Chiori

Fri, 2021-12-24 04:15

Chiori's picture

Jackweb
That is correct

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

Jackweb

Fri, 2021-12-24 05:20

Jackweb's picture

was so glaring. I phantom the content.

Keep the pen flowing.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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