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THE BOND

Submitted by Simon on Tue, 2021-10-05 06:47

And the old man said to them
Grasp this bunch of brooms
But if you can't then tell me why
As iron,
Nothing can compare to a united family
But, when there is hate and
Insensitive sentiment
Then, nothing is more dangerous

To be in the future
You must make love with the present
And make peace with the past
Look beyond the flesh
As blood is thicker than water
You will see the reasons to mend the broken
To tend wounds and to let go
off the pieces

A heart that bonded in unity
Is the strength of a human
One's upbringing is the foundation for life
But your character and anger is but a beast
And forgiveness is the bravest.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A word to a family in crisis
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2021-10-05 08:46

Geezer's picture
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Your title, is a good one.
Your language use is not so great.
I see minor mistakes, but things that can easily fixed.

1] [Grasp] this bunch of brooms
2] But if you can't, then tell me why?
3] as iron.
4] Nothing can compare to a united family
5] But, when there is hate
6] As blood is [thicker]
7] To [tend] wounds
8] [bonded] in unity
9] [One's upbringing]

10] But [your] character
11] [And anger] is but a beast

I like the theme, it shows that standing together in the face of adversity
can help a strong family work and thrive together.
your logic is sound and altogether works as a whole.

~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Simon

Wed, 2021-10-06 15:50

Simon's picture

Thanks so much

author comment

Obadiah Grey

Fri, 2021-10-08 10:54

Obadiah Grey's picture
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"To be in the future
You must make love with the present
And make peace with the past"

Look beyond the flesh.

(A snippet western of poetry!)
-----------------------------------------------
I actually prefer broken English poems
that make me reach for an understanding,
I hope that you never, ever, ever!
take a creative writing class.

Obi.

Simon

Sat, 2021-10-09 10:05

Simon's picture

In asking for what you don't know, that is what this family is about. And understanding in poetry is sometimes difficult because every poet has his/her own devices to use in poetry.

author comment

Simon

Sat, 2021-10-09 10:07

Simon's picture

Is difficult for you to understands don't be ashame, ask I'll explain it for you.

author comment
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