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The Celestial Threat

On that solid selfish night
dark threatened to shut down
and bang out

the flamboyant moon resists
tear gassing florescent light
warning the shooting stars to depart

and the flickering star halts
giraffin in a subtle manner
but only the clustered cloud burgles his way to victory

and the night dies smoothly

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

1] And the flickering star[s] no [s]

2] but only the clustered cloud burgle[s] add [s]

3] and the night die[s] smoothly

Your title is good and in keeping with the story
I like the theme
The logic is there, but subtle.

~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I will definitely get the errors corrected.

Thank you so much.

Geezer, "The logic is there, but subtle".

Do you think there's need for extension?

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

I was just remarking that your logic is there, but not overdone, as it might be if you try to add to it. I think it is fine just the way it is, for logic. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Alright. I got you now.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment
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