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SHE'S AN ANIMAL (Random challenge Seven)
A gold-digger in cyber space
She flies out like duty ravens
Her sexual intimacy is her VAT
Lust is her custom
In all nooks and crannies
She stages in her selfie:
Pay before service
That’s her mantra
A ruthless lustful will
Banging here and there
A predator in her comfort zone
Caressing and juicing up
With kissing deal
Uninterrupted
She has monetized her body
VIPs on her payroll
Please stay offside of this woman
She’s a Bermuda triangle
A love- trap zone
Of the then dead men
For me she’s an honor loss
Grooming a generation of thorns and tares
Betwixt her legs lie
juicy joy of lust
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2021-09-11 10:05
I'm thinking that...
you may be talking about a prostitute that has rich and powerful clients and acquires power from the association. Monetize
should have a [d] at the end. "She's [a] Bermuda Triangle." I would be very surprised if she had more than [two] legs, I think the word is unnecessary. "Between her legs lie." [no [s] on lie. Hope this helps, ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Sun, 2021-09-12 17:38
You have said it all
You really did thorough job here in fishing out the lines.
I thank thee for teaching me here.
Read back and check the poem again. i have corrected it immediately.
Geezer
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Geezer
Sun, 2021-09-12 22:22
Not a problem...
I enjoy helping wherever and whenever I can. Sometimes, I get it all wrong and my idea of the poem is not right, but I try to always, make the corrections I think will help with the mechanics of the work. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Sun, 2021-09-12 19:47
Hv you faced disaster at the hands of may I be polite 'women'
Between (betwixt)her legs lie
x(The)x sweetest joy of lust
''betwixt her legs lie
juicy joy of lust ''
(just do try)
This is natural for all women
Jackweb
Sun, 2021-09-12 23:53
Very competent observation
the last line was changed severally until i landed with that line. Yet it never savored the poem.
As i read yours now i got satisfaction with
"betwixt her legs lie
juicy joy of lust ''
it was perfect edit.
Thanks won't depart from me
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
lovedly
Mon, 2021-09-13 00:22
Then try No need of first letters as Caps that is compys need
A gold-digger in cyber space
she flies out like duty ravens
her sexual intimacy is her vat?????
lust is her custom
in all nooks and crannies
she stages in her selfies:
pay before service
that’s her mantra
a ruthless lustful will
banging here and there
a predator in her comfort zone
caressing and juicing up
with kissing deal
uninterrupted
she has monetized her body
VIPs on her payroll
please stay offside???? of this woman
she’s the Bermuda triangle
a love- trap zone
of the then dead men
for me she’s an honour loss
grooming a generation of thorns and tares??????
betwixt her legs lie
juicy joy of lust