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On first teaching( Butterflies in my stomach challenge)

First day of class
How many students
Ah the schedule says twelve

They have come to learn
but can I teach
they know nothing of writing but I do

I speak and I am a voice
outside of me
do they know I am as nervous as they?

Ah but the butterflies are still there
although they do not show
my heart is beating louder than a drum
can they hear it as well?

It s their first day as well as mine
but we will both
survive

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

the line that makes it part of the challenge? Nervous might be described as shaky knees, rubber-legs, palpitations, etc. I see nothing about butterflies in the stomach. ~ Gee.
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hmmm you are right going to revise that a bit

Chrys

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author comment

Now, what about changing the first line of the last stanza? Instead of: [as well as], how about, "It is their first day, like mine..."
~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks for the suggestions Yes I made some changes now it reflects the challenge

Chrys

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author comment

I see that you added your own flavor to it and I think it's better than my suggestion. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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