Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Tolkien’s Transformers
Ante initium the Ilúvatar
Composed his first thematic music bar;
Tolkien's: Concerto "Ainulindalë"
Flawlessly performed music within scale
As Eru Ilúvatar artwork had taught
Their cantata percussions echoed jot.
Though the avant-garde of Eru's purpose
Was to design an harmonic surplus,
An accelerando undertone cheer
Almost imperceptible with the ear
interposed by Melkor's loud and vain squeaks;
Full of undercurrents of malign speaks.
Act three sees the Maestro once again waves
His wand conducting as the silence staves
Turning Hurons of Adar into Ents.
Aulë corrupts the Dwarves as his malcontents:
Ensembles of Hurons on the menu;
Adar flat like a plate is the venue.
Ents are like large trolls and human creatures:
Clad in greenish leaves and ash like features,
Branches from the trunk for arms with dark hide,
Roots form their feet as seven toes each glide,
The lower part of their oval-shaped head
A bushy, twiggy beard, it might be said.
Most noteworthy characteristics are:
Eyes down deep yet bulging, surveying far,
Slow solemn earth trembling baritone weep,
Shepherds the trees of the forest like sheep,
Cured from being treeish with some dumbness
Took to protecting their flock with fondness.
Resembling the tree types that they do tend:
Shepherd Quickbeam, a ruddy Rowan blend,
Then there's Treebeard, who's like beech or an oak,
Some recall chestnuts with a short thick yoke,
Tall Ents looked like firs, birch or linden prone
Could without much effort break up a stone.
Sharing some of trees strengths and weaknesses:
Skin's common with a gator's scale likeness,
Eroding stone like magical voodoo
But they have vulnerabilities too,
Just like trees, hot fires and chopping axe blows
Can render them a thrashing pile in throes.
With extremely patient, cautious portals
More apt to trees than to short-lived mortals.
Entmoot's three-day long deliberation
On Isengard attack instigation
Might seem prolonged but to them it's hasty
To do otherwise would be too crazy.
Tossing great stone slabs, ripping down tall walls
Boasting as if they were but cotton balls.
Their bark-like flesh made them look surreal
And a single punch from an Ent can kill
Now agitators beware! The devil's
Aroused wrath they'll awake at their peril.
Legion has immense forests flowing fast:
Like the ocean their glory days were vast
Likewise, their waxing was ebbing for sure
As the moon controls the seas from the moor
Some by attrition, some by contrition
But all thru the Dark Lord's divination.
Perplexingly, Ents are transitional
Forms of trees which become volitional.
Or, conversely, Ents can grow more asleep:
Sheep as shepherds, and shepherds as the sheep,
Only quicker and closer, with these trees,
No war marching only strolls thru the breeze.
Now Ents crescendos into the sunset:
Crawler to flyer is their epithet,
Or from a crawler returning as egg,
Life-cycling either way by the root leg,
From a cradle to the cemetery
And from a hearse to the baby's ferry.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Author’s Notes:
Title: Tolkien’s Transformers © 2021 Rickey L Bennett
WC: 487
SC: 10 / Line
Photo Curtesy of: https://historiarex.com/e/en/477-the-ents
Style / Type: Rhyming Sextets
Structured: a Western Twelve Stanza Poem
Review Request (Intensity):
1. I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back.
2. Review Request (Be honest).
3. What did you think of my title?
4. What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
5. How does this theme appeal to you?
6. How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
7. Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2021-08-22 01:55
I love trees...
and Tolkien! That being said; I didn't expect a dissertation on your poem; especially after the lengthy poem itself. While it is commendable to research your poems, I'm not sure that anyone except me, will read the whole of your comments. [Even I cheated a little bit and skipped a few things]. I'm sure that anyone so immersed in the story of the Ents will be fascinated with all the information included. I also think that they will already know it. As to your title: I think that you would be better served to make the title shorter and less unwieldy, by leaving out the treeish, [I keep wanting to say Trish]. Tolkien's Transformers is what I would call it! The last verse in particular sees you using a word the wrong mode of action. [Transforms] should be Transforming.
the Maestro once again waves
His wand conducting sounds, [though silence stays]?
The waves and airwaves are a little too close together.
Ents [are] like large trolls and human-like creatures
The lower part of their oval-shaped head
[Has a twiggy, mossy beard, it might be said]?
There are other things that you could look after, like words that look
alike, but don't rhyme, although there are some that are convincing
near-rhyme.
Rowan blend? what is that? linden prone?
thrashing throes? I think you can do better than that! Even if you want
to use the word throes, I think you can come up with a better line!
dwindling and ebbing are pretty much the same action, try a different
way to express that.
I hope that this helps, and you see that I'm not trying to be mean, just
helpful. I like your work, just not so much of it! [If you get what I mean]
I think that without trying to tell us a novel in a poem, and paying a bit
more attention to the line structure, you will find a good audience here.
Welcome to Neo. Loosen up a little and I think you will find that you can have
a lot of fun here. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rickey’s Rhymes
Sun, 2021-08-22 06:09
Geezer, I am grateful for
Geezer, I am grateful for your feedback which I found extremely valuable. Thank you.
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2021-08-22 07:37
You are...
welcome! I see that you have made some changes; that is great! Many poets of your stature seem to think that they are the ultimate, consummate poet and don't need to make changes. Or if they do, "I will make them next time." "I won't make the same mistakes again." Not thinking about how much work they have already put into a poem and/or maybe thinking about how much work it will be to make those changes! Again, welcome to Neopoet, I hope that you find the things and support you are looking for here. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rickey’s Rhymes
Sun, 2021-08-22 07:39
Geezer, I believe I’ve made
Geezer, I believe I’ve made all the edits you suggested except for the poem is still 12 stanzas long. I did break them up by adding stanza numbers. Plus I added a note near the top of my auntie notes that mentions my notes are strictly reference materials and are not meant to be be edited. Thanks again.
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2021-08-22 07:57
Great!...
I have been known to write sagas myself, so no worries there. [Some of my Killer poems are probably as long as your twelve stanzas. As to the notes, well, I guess that not editing them, could be counted as being a bit briefer. LoL Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Sun, 2021-08-22 14:54
Welcome to neopoet Ricky
Here I am named scribbler but you know me as Stan Holliday. Now to the poem. In my opinion a poem should pretty much stand by itself without needing a lot of explanation. I think this one could do so with a more concise author's notes. Indeed such lengthy dissertation will scare off a lot of people. Now, is there a reason you numerated each stanza? i think it distracts from the poem. Looking forward to further works from you. BTW I'm a fan of Tolkien too
Rickey’s Rhymes
Mon, 2021-08-23 23:23
Scribbler (Stan) you make a
Scribbler (Stan) you make a good point. I spent all my time editing the poem. I really put the author notes there for my benefit but I can see that it is a deterrent for other readers. I’m glad that you commented.
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2021-08-24 02:10
Hi Rick
I Try to be helpful in my comments.
Rickey’s Rhymes
Mon, 2021-08-23 23:19
Good point Blake. Thanks for
Good point Blake. Thanks for your feedback.
author commentRickey’s Rhymes
Wed, 2021-08-25 15:51
I changed the last stanza to
I changed the last stanza to include a musical terminology so that it ties in with the musical theme of the first stanza. Hopefully, that helps to make it more logical. Also, I entered this into the August contest for new members but if it’s not relevant for that contest than please disregard. Thanks for your help.
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2021-08-25 16:30
The contest...
parameters for August are/is that it has to be a limerick. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.