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BEAUTIFUL STORM
At the ripe old age of sixteen years
I thought I knew it all.
My plans were made I had no fears
as summer slowly turned to fall.
Then one sunny afternoon
I spied a little cloud
which turned into a tempest soon.
It was disorderly and loud.
I figured it would pass away
like summer squalls so often do
but that day became another day
each blustery one brought something new.
Until I realized that storm was sent my way
to disrupt my perfect plans
and since then I've loved the fray.
I love the storm and she's with me to this day
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
really, really rough
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2021-06-24 16:41
Not so very bad...
Here's my take:
third stanza L2 :"like summer squalls [are wont to do]
third stanza L4 :"each [stormy] one something new
Last stanza "At last I realized the storm sent my way
was to disrupt my perfect plans
and since then, I've loved the fray
I love the storm and the tempest, It's with me to the end
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Thu, 2021-06-24 17:41
Hi Geeze
Wont? Ok, I'll check that out as well as other suggestions. Did you get the secondary theme of who the storm is?
Geezer
Fri, 2021-06-25 06:30
I think so...
Your wife?
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Fri, 2021-06-25 09:51
yep
she keeps boredom at bay
Triskelion
Thu, 2021-06-24 20:34
Hi scribbler
S4L3, I would change "then" to "that day". I think the meter works better.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
scribbler
Thu, 2021-06-24 22:25
Hello
I'll give that a try upon edit. Thanks for your input and visit
Obadiah Grey
Sun, 2021-06-27 10:27
Ahhhh, a windy woman,
Ahhhh, a windy woman, disorderly and loud,
we wouldn't want them any-other way. *ahem*
I liked your poem, as is,,,, but for,, "usually do" .
Obi.
scribbler
Sun, 2021-06-27 10:41
Ho Obi
Thank you for dropping by with useful input