Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

WIND DANCER (season of spring contest)

Wind Dancer

A bright poplar leaf
dancing on a cool light wind
to join its fellows

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I would work on the last line.
Looking good tho.
.

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

You know how much I edit stuff so my saying I'll keep your input in mind when I edit this is not just a bromide

author comment

The word its should be "it's" nitpicking, really.
Not of anyone's "real" concern, because it was like evolution that modified the eastern version of haiku. Your piece is what some refer to as modified, or westernized haiku. I also understand that to many others, it's just fun and does it matter, really? No,

Have fun out there!

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

It's always good to see somebody new drop by. Its-it's....its a real problem when its should be it's lol. Appreciate the eagle eye. Now as to being a modified Haiku .......its my understanding that to write a true Haiku one must write it in Japanese. Well I don't know Japanese and the English version is a 5-7-5 syllable count. So i just stick to this modification when I try to catch single thoughts in a Haiku

author comment

to understand that the poplar leaf is still attached to the tree? I'm thinking that it seems more like a fall haiku. Anyway, it does go well. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

tasted a flavour of fall at first read, but I think the word "bright" covers a spring look as the new leaves are brighter.
In the string "on a light breeze", I picture a leaf separated from the tree and fluttering away "on" the breeze. Perhaps "on" should be replaced with "in".

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Here in the deep south poplars are almost the first to have some leaves turn yellow in late august. Not all, just a few. They are the harbingers of summer being near its end. I had hoped to catch the feeling of one of these early changers as it comptemplated its own mortality.......................hmmmm.....it may well be that this is too much to try and fit into this form

author comment

It might be different in the northern tier of states but down here the first trees to change color are wild cherries. But the poplars have a few leaves turn yellow in late August. This is a poem about one of these early turning leaves. I had hoped to catch the wistfulness of summer being nearly gone. If I didn't the fault is mine

author comment

Around here people use them because they grow so fast. But then they die off quick looking very ratty and make a real mess when removing them. If I were to write about poplars it would most likely be close to this:
Fast grown boarder tree
Always look ratty for all
A waste of my time

When into tree work I removed a whole line of them street side.
What a mess. I'll never forget it.
lol
What I meant by the last line was adjective or noun?
If a noun then how can a poplar leaf have a sexual orientation?
Later,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

light gray bark . Leaves bigger than a hand which turn bright yellow?

author comment

Yup for years builders used them, then people caught on. Now ya rarely see them.
Lots of very nice varieties though.
Later,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to study it and form an opinion as well. Then put your opinion in the comment box. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about. Do it often or catch the next ride outta Dodge!

of "cheap" furniture was made using poplar because some of it had a greenish streak through it. The furniture companies solved this by using an opaque almost black stain on it.I once saw a 50 year old barn which had 1/2 inch vertical poplar siding which had never even been painted. There was minor rot on the cotter inch or two but the rest was solid.

author comment

While I have never written a haiku, i have read a few that appealed to me. The form doesn’t intrest me, however I like yours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This is an excellent form when trying to convey random thoughts. But I don't write a lot of them either lol

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.