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When I Am Old... [Random Challenge 2]

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2021-04-20 00:58

When I am old
I will put away my toys
I will eat less junk food
Eat stuff good for growing boys

I will look at older women
and I'll whistle less
I'll clean up my junky room
I'll make less a mess

But for now, I'm playing
It's such fun to be
A youngster in my mind
Instead of seventy-three

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
My wife just called me a little kid, wanting to play with my new toy, [a B.B. gun].
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge 2
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Race_9togo

Wed, 2021-04-21 02:27

Race_9togo's picture
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Hey man, its good to read your work.
Absolutely no critique.
Just appreciation, enjoyment, and a lot of identifying with you, through the poem.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Geezer

Wed, 2021-04-21 11:45

Geezer's picture
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do something about that last line in the first stanza; but I'm glad that you enjoyed this. It's so nice to see you here again. I hope that we will see much more from you. It's not only Cat that has missed you. Join our random challenges and enter the monthly contests! Write something, anything! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2021-04-21 06:45

Candlewitch's picture
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thank you for a peek into the mind of a "Peter Pan" lost boy. I really liked this piece of work! we may be old but we still can dream and imagine!

p.s.
I turned 70 last February

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Wed, 2021-04-21 11:50

Geezer's picture
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Yes, I always tell people that I suffer from terminal Peter Pan Syndrome! I'm never going to grow up until I die! LoL
Thank you for your reads and comments, you are an inspiration to the children in us! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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