Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Dear Deer... [Rhyme Pattern Workshop]

As I sit upon the ground
I watch the fog in field
Not much to see, as I look around
Until the mist begins to yield

Now, I see a herd of hooves
A dozen heads and nibbling lips
I'm very careful not to move
Though there's a pain in my hip

Heads with twitching, swivel ears
Dip to pull the grass
Then back up to disappear
In the fog that dewdrops cast

The sun begins to heat the earth
The grey does slowly fade
My patience is rewarded...worth
The effort that I've made

Now, the deer are staring hard
They're nervous, stamping in the sward
What is that there, in their yard?
It's only me... the silent bard

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

but managed to find a couple for you. Makes it seven now.
~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

I missed that! Fixed it.
~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

Glad that you liked it. It was a true experience. I waited until they were all looking directly at me [ they had trouble seeing me]
and then I moved and they raised their little white flags and stampeded away! Funny, how they have trouble seeing anything that doesn't move! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

once up a huge oak tree about 30' off the ground. About daylight the fog rolled in and I could hear the deer walking around under me eating acorns and blatting at one another. After a while they moved off without my ever seeing them.A very accurate poem

Loved verses 3 & 4. Really pretty stuff there - the tear-starting kind. Nicely done.

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

appreciate. Although I don't have a critique for it, I believe in credit where credit is due. It is quite a nice poem.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Reading with fresh eyes, I realize that it needs work. I will let it settle for just a little more, but I am going over some other older things that I haven't looked at in some time. Funny, how time seems to clear the eyes. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

Time does bring fresh focus
Cheers, Geezer

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.