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Double Cinquain

Time yields
radiant solids:
the hurtling hail, gemstones
on wedding-bands, your epitaph
on bronze.

My heart:
did you avow
this magic starry sky
is less ephemeral, or brief,
than life?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thank you, dear Teddy. I wrote them ages ago. You know my muse is on holiday...You're too kind, don't know about "exquisite", but I'm grateful.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I came back because I found these cinquains in my files! Something always saves the day for me to come back and join my dear pals at Neopoet.
Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Thank you, dear Teddy. I do hope you're right about my Muse. I love coming here as much as you do! Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Hello, Gracy
So good to see you and your poignant poem. Beautiful imagery. The more I read this, the more meaningful and lovely it becomes.
Thank you!
L
(Hmm...are you counting 'radiant' with 2 syllables or 3?)

I'm also happy to be here, dear L. I'm glad you like my cinquains. I count 3 syllables in radiant. Dunno for sure...lol
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

your head tilted back, looking up at the starry-heavens and wondering about where does life go? Does it just end?
That's my interpretation. Beautiful, no matter how you meant it. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I really love the “more is less” poems. Makes people think, and your poems does make people think, very effectively! I had to re-reade it a couple of times... came off the thrid reading , same as the first! With a “Wow”!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Oh Ray, thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm glad the cinquains make you think. It's nice when one can connect through poetry.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Dear Geez, I like your interpretation of my cinquains. I think you're right. Love to be back here. My Muse is still stubborn.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment
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