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Family Portrait

My first steps were on egg shells,
Laid by your own self disdain,
Contempt coldly dripping,
On me you projected all your pain.

Instead of slowly simmering,
Embroiled in your own self doubt talk,
You spewed your vile, villainous venom,
On a child who had only just learned to walk.

I tried to make you like me,
Got out the way and my words were few
Didn't know how to eat shit and die,
No matter how many times you told me to.

You said you wanted a nice little girl,
You 2 plus one made 3,
But you wished I'd been aborted,
As soon as you knew it was going to be me.

You told me to play ball on the highway,
Promptly at the age of 5.
I always did what you asked,
I'm sorry that I came back alive.

I liked the days we laughed,
You allowed me to be part of your world.
Then the next day I got it all so wrong,
And I was no longer your little girl.

My cousin learnt to do things much faster,
Than I your stupid bitch could do.
You were so deeply ashamed of me,
This in my little heart I knew.

You noticed I acted oddly,
mirroring your capricious attitude,
The actions in yourself you secretly slated,
That hatred in me was renewed.

I tried to take my 14 year life away,
Because I couldn't cope with the pain.
But I sicked up all the poison pills,
You offered for me to try again.

You terrorised me, hated me,
I was used to your cold untender touch.
I could forgive you all of these things,
If you hadn't enjoyed them so much.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is about the horrific upbringing I had, my parents wished me dead on a daily basis, how I am still here I don't know. I hope I put across my vulnerability and my pain correctly, I do apologise for the swearing x
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thankyou so much for your feedback, my story is still being written, but 9 years ago I took charge of my life, cut my toxic parents out of my life, left my violent husband and moved 50 miles away to start a new life.

Unfortunately I have C-PTSD, Depression, anxiety and BPD however my poem about having BPD is being used by psychologists to explain 'splitting' to people who are studying to be CPNS and therapists.

I'm happily married, and I've gone no contact with my entire family and I'm seeing a therapist once a week and a CPN so I'm on the mend :)

Message me anytime, I'm glad you like my poems xx

author comment

Yes I don't like the title much, but I think if I have a similar title to the the book I might be done for copyright? I will try to think of a new one :) xxx

author comment

Amazing how we can find a way to survive the horrible things life can through in our paths. Reading through your responses, I am humbled at your strength! I have always had a complicated relationship with my father (nothing like the pain you paint in this poem, thankfully), so I related to much of it in my way, through my filter.

The sadness in this stanza is unbearable - wow!:

I tried to make you like me,
Got out the way and my words were few
Didn't know how to eat shit and die,
No matter how many times you told me to.

Thank you for sharing.

Best

Michael Anthony

Thankyou so much for you kind words, I am working hard on myself and trying to heal so I don't bleed on my children and my friends, thankyou for you for being proud of me it means alot xxx

author comment

His loss my lovely and the world's gain x

author comment

How about chrosive childhood?

author comment

Still not sure about the title. Maybe not inviting to the reader, which is what we want with any writing we are sharing. You have positives and coping mixed in with the pain, so I like the title hidden within the poem body: "I liked the days we laughed", as a mechanism to draw people in. Just a thought.

All the best!

Michael Anthony

That's a good idea or maybe "not your little girl"

author comment

Thankyou im so glad you like it xxx

author comment

There it is - perfect!

Michael Anthony

Thankyou so much xxx

author comment

author comment

I think its because I have been dealing with snowflakes on Facebook who insist on me putting trigger warnings on everything, so I think I was just being careful, I had to put a trigger warning on a post I did about being annoyed that I kept dying in a game and admin told me to put a trigger warning on my post incase it set someone off, no im not joking xxx

author comment

Ok lovely I will turn it off thanks xxxx

author comment

Thanks so much for your input, you take care too xx

author comment
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