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A Smile

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Wed, 2020-12-16 21:23

Time to speak honestly.
I finally feel alive,
no need for an apology.

Yeah, I flirted with rejection,
stuck at the red light
of self doubt’s intersection.

Confidence was in my attic.
Happiness was hostage,
life was quite chaotic.

Happiness felt so thin,
every night tears
and another Klonopin.

Surviving was my objective.
Then came you, darling.
A smile, quite effective.

Yeah, I had a pulse, but that's it.
You broke denial’s heart.
Now I’m me, how can I quit?

Passion picked up my pen
as your pretty eyes
erased my way back then.

My demons intoxicated
as my broken soul
was somehow elevated.

Yeah, dreams come true.
All I needed, darling,
was to meet you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Thu, 2020-12-17 08:41

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Hello, Paul,
I do believe this is your first piece I've read since I joined last spring...and I am smiling. Your first stanza is so open, revealing and earnest. Actually, I think that stanza feels more like a cheerful grin for me. The poem travels through all the emotions of your survival time in a raw, direct manner, and then we feel the great appreciation for that simple, tender smile. Makes me happy...
Thank you!
L

scribbler

Thu, 2020-12-17 09:03

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I agree about the erased line being a bit unclear as to meaning. As to the rest I think it is well written and the rhyme is unobtrusive.

Geezer

Fri, 2020-12-18 16:40

Geezer's picture
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a sort of window to the soul of a someone who has found redemption through the love of another. You have written well and made clear that the transformation is due to this love. I agree that the line of "erased my way back then" as being a little murky, but cannot suggest how to improve it, other than to maybe add a comma to it, like so: "erased, my way back then".
I think that it may give it the pause that will give it a bit of depth. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lovedly

Sat, 2020-12-19 18:58

lovedly's picture

all other normal poets want to know
whether they have been read at all
Those who have comments know

Please examine
the guys Blog Frustrated in a few days only
and others approach to justify to him

Please apply your mind .
This is a different kind of site
Guys ought to know it Paul
before enrolling
interview as many

lovedly

Sat, 2021-02-13 00:14

lovedly's picture

She smiled for just a while
I'd smile for you
all your while
ha don't take me seriously
its smile only

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