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Earthquake redacted
An earthquake shaking
Stanley shaking
Marcus Smith shook but felt fine,
"We're all good"
the owner of the Bridge Street Grill said
"tremendous, I'm vibrating."
Dr. Lucy Jones, for science, killed two children
what scientists call a "normal fault"
Jones said she repopulated Idaho within hours
but that doesn't surprise us.
Running in an earthquake is incredibly dangerous
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
This is a type of poetry called redacted poetry, a subset of found poetry, where in which you reduce (originally, via black marker) a source text, which may be poetic or not, leaving a new poem (the part left after redaction)
This poem is a redaction of this article:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/US/wireStory/magnitude-65-earthquake-strikes-idaho-69908852
And here is the source work with visible redactions and original whitespacing:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ys80crdGNbJydVWUKVhCdlWaEA9l9DYeYbflXh_T8UY/edit?usp=sharing
I've chosen to transpose the unredacted parts exactly as is without modifying capitalization or punctuation, however I have, of course, reformed the whitespace
I've found this to be a fun exercise
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Tue, 2021-02-09 19:59
Earthquake Redacted
Hi, Raffy,
Fun! And your poem still gives a good sense of how the earthquake actually felt. (Along with a really troubled Dr. Jones) Do you randomly black out words? I think I will give this a try soon!
Thank you!
Lavender
Breakinglogic
Wed, 2021-02-10 11:15
Hey Lavender,
Hey Lavender,
Don't feel too bad for Dr. Jones; it was for science, after all!
My favorite part is when the owner of the grill says, "I'm vibrating." I don't know why, but I thought that was really funny:)
Thanks for enjoying this one! :)
Words (and even letters and punctuation) should be purposefully/selectively redacted
I have updated my "last few words" to show an example that bridges the gap between the original article and my reduction.
☆ raffy
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2021-02-10 07:12
Too early...
in the morning, to try and figure it out, but in the immortal words of the "Arnie" "I'll be back."
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Wed, 2021-02-10 15:26
After looking up...
the examples that you gave, I think that I may wait a bit to give this one a shot, but it sure seems interesting. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Breakinglogic
Sun, 2021-02-14 07:04
Hi geez,
Hi geez,
Thanks for stopping by! :)
☆ raffy
author commentRula
Fri, 2021-02-12 14:08
Hello Raffy
I do really appreciate innovative poetry forms and yours a good example of the form. I believe it might work with some texts better than others, but I never think that it is an easy job as it seems to be.will like to try it one day.
BTW, I thought you might like to enter this month's contest (which is all about different forms of poetry, no definite theme is required) with. You might have the chance to win as.
Thank you for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Breakinglogic
Sun, 2021-02-14 07:07
Hello rula,
Hello rula,
Thanks for the read. Yes, this can be an interesting form. I've seen some really great executions of this:) mine was just a fun first run:) nothing very poetic haha
☆ raffy
author commentBreakinglogic
Sun, 2021-02-14 07:10
Teddy,
Teddy,
I live in California and am thankful to have not experienced anything more than a faint rumble! Thanks for popping in:)
☆ raffy
author commentRay Whitaker
Sun, 2021-02-21 07:40
Interesting way of writing poems
It works for me tho, liked this one a lot, the highly disturbed Dr is a bit shocking, however somehow fits this poem in a way I really don’t understand.
The redaction thing was a edit tool that I learned from a great teacher a few years ago, however your practice i really enjoyed.
I don’t like using the redaction tool much, as the words i have written are like my gems in situ for me. *sigh* There are a lot of things I don’t care for in this life....
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Ray Whitaker
Sun, 2021-02-21 07:40
Interesting way of writing poems
It works for me tho, liked this one a lot, the highly disturbed Dr is a bit shocking, however somehow fits this poem in a way I really don’t understand.
The redaction thing was a edit tool that I learned from a great teacher a few years ago, however your practice i really enjoyed.
I don’t like using the redaction tool much, as the words i have written are like my gems in situ for me. *sigh* There are a lot of things I don’t care for in this life....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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