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Got Heart ?

Submitted by Lil Tayjahh on Wed, 2021-01-20 04:00

See I Got Heart
But I Aint Off On No Good Start
Im Gone Focus On Myself And i Aint Asking For No Help
Have You Ever Felt Depressed ? Loneliest ? And Upset ?
Feeling Like You Proud , When You Down In You Loud
I Mean You Reaching For Yo Sins , But You Limit To Yo Friends
Asking For A Hand , Cause You To Pleasant To Were You Stand
You Be On Guard , You Turn Back From Were You Fall
You Aint Blind , But You Reaching For Yo Signs Trying Hard ,
And Every time You Up Yo Guard , You Be Kind
You Got Heart ? You Got Heart !

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
"LIFE"
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2021-01-20 06:31

Geezer's picture
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to Neopoet. At first, I thought that you weren't being too clear, but after reading thru a couple of times, I began to get the idea.
I saw that in the beginning, you weren't asking for help. Then, you were only asking for help from your friends. I think that you were limiting what your friends can ask from you? You seem to be saying that you are too kind, that people ask and get too much from you. I guess that is true for a lot of people. Sometimes, people don't know what your situation is and how much it costs you to give what they are asking. You want to give, but realize that you have to be cautious about giving too much. Still having heart, but being smart about it. At least, that is the way I read this. Again, welcome to Neo. and I hope that you will enjoy learning from our poets here; who are always willing to help and usually give good advice. I see a couple of typos in the line: "Cause you [too]pleasant [where] you stand. I'll be looking forward to your next write. ~ Geezer.
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