Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Final Goodbye

Someone asked me once what I am most afraid of
Surprisingly it’s not spiders, or snakes, or the dark
I am most fearful of saying goodbye
The time will come when you say your last goodbye
It’s inevitable, there is nothing you can do about it
The last word you will hear a person say is goodbye

There is one thing in common between everyone
We will all have a final goodbye
When you say that last goodbye - that's it
You will never hear their voice
Never see their face
Never laugh at their jokes
Ever again
It’s
Goodbye

Through the years, I've learned there are things that last
What lasts are the memories
What lasts are the feelings of happiness
What lasts is the last word you shared with them
Those things will never be taken from you
Those things exist in your heart and your mind and your soul
And those things are what help shape you into who you are

I have learned not to be scared of saying goodbye
But grateful when I say hello
I can feel happiness
I can listen to jokes
I can say
Goodbye

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
If you took the time to read this, thank you.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

a very warm welcome to Neopoet.

i have had a peek at your home page, and it's always a pleasure to see such young talented poets,
this is quite deep for a 15 year young lady but i agree with everything. There are 3 times in my life i have not got to say goodbye to the people i loved deeply. I like your message i especially like the positivity of the 3rd stanza.

just wanted to show you this line

I have learned to not be so scared of saying goodbye--- i have learned not to be scared of saying goodbye--- just leave out (to) just helps it read better, in my opinion.

anyway a very nice poem to start your journey here.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my work. It means a lot! I will definitely alter the "to". Again, thank you so much.

Kate

author comment

Such a wonderful edit, I admire your enthusiasm. Well done, I hope you are happy with this it is really beautiful

Thank you...Teddy

And, yes, welcome to Neo. I think that your poem is very good. Your language is well thought out and easy to understand. Well done.
In stanza 3, lines 2,3 & 4, it may be a good idea to erase the word 'What's' to make these lines just that bit shorter and more easily readable. After all you didn't use You'll to commence lines 6 & 7 in stanza 2 did you? Similarly in lines 5 & 6 in that stanza you could forfeit the start words 'Those'.

Thoughts that will never be taken from you
Things that exist in your heart, your mind, and your soul

 

Teddy has spotted a surplus word in stanza 4, line 1, and I have noticed this two letter word too. It is, of course, 'to'.  I, therefore agree with Teddy (as I so often do) that it should be disposed of.

Also in stanza 4, I think that the use of  'get'  is possibly overused.  In lines 3 & 4 I may have said:-

I educe to feel happiness
Allow myself to listen to jokes
And I am permitted to say goodbye. 
(or stay with 'I get to say goodbye')

ps. We are all friends here at Neo and enjoy offering critque on each other's work.  Please do not feel any obligation to amend or edit your poem if you do not wish to. It is your work and it belongs to YOU.

I expect that all there is to say now is ~ Goodbye!

 

 

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Reading your piece, put me in touch with the goodbyes in my life. There are past goodbyes in my life, and some future ones coming that somehow must be endured.

Nice piece, welcome again to this site. I'll encourage you keep writing and placing poems here for all to review.

And to read what others place here for review. I believe that the poetry you read the better a poet you will be. Listen to "spoken word" poetry too. That is truly a remarkable form of poetry, I think of it as performance poetry.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Welcome to Neo.
I couldn't agree more with what has been said
about this poem already. It is sensitive, somber,
yet hopeful. I also agree that there are places
that you can trim the sentences and make it smoother.

I'm not so sure that I would change the [gets].
I think that it reflects the mood and the feeling.
Not quite a sense of entitlement, but a reward for being alive.
~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

I notice you ask for honesty(and harshness). I'll not be harsh but Will give some alternatives suggestion for you to think over. If you don't mind I will copy and past your poem with some changes inserted :
Someone once asked me what I am most afraid of
Surprisingly it's not spiders, or snakes, or the dark
I fear most the final goodbye
The time will come when you say your last goodbye
It’s inevitable, there is nothing you can do about it
The last word you will hear a person say is goodbye

There is one thing in common between everyone
We will all have our own final goodbye
When you say that last goodbye - that's it
You not hear their voice again
Never see their face again
Never laugh at their jokes again
It’s
goodbye

I've learned though, that there are things which remain
What remains are the memories
What remains are the feelings of happiness
What remains is the last word you shared with them
Those things will never be taken from you
Those things exist in your heart and your mind and your soul
And those things are what help shape you into who you are

I have learned to not be so scared of saying goodbye
But grateful when I say hello
I get to feel happiness
I get to listen to jokes
And I get to say
goodbye

The above is not expected to be used word for word but to just point out alternatives.

Thank you so much for responding! I really appreciate your critiques. The way you added the "goodbye" to the line below, I really like that. I hope you don't mind I adapted some of your changes. Thanks again!

Kate

author comment

I usually write traditional western classic. But I DO wander over to free verse sometimes. I accidentally stumbled onto using the actual formation of the poem to add emphasis to words.

You not hear their voice again
Never see their face again
Never laugh at their jokes again

in these lines you repeat again closely
try and avoid it
use thesaurus freely replace repetitive words
as you have done at other places
and feel blessed the engines of neopoets
have commented simultaneously
slowly you will learn lovedly
is differently
all the best
I COMPOSE poetry free verse only
let us
us be

''You may not ever hear
their voices
nor see their faces
neither laugh at their jokes
sadly ever again''

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.