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Axel

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Mon, 2020-12-21 17:06

The guy on the radio said
he’d like to go out the way his cat did
Nineteen years old, and never had bad hips,
or the other usual problems

The guy on the radio just came home one day
and found his cat had left him,
right there on the porch
in his favorite place to lie, as peaceful as could be

That’s the way I’d like to go
A good life lived, for the most part
let it go with something like a plan

Sitting on the deck in the good sun
thinking of my family and friends
with some Asimov,
or Bukowski by my side
Three fingers of whiskey almost gone

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2020-12-21 17:28

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Nice work, sad, but not overly maudilin and cheesy. Your title, I presume, is the name of the cat?
Your language use is good and so too, the rhythm and pacing of the work; which flows well, from beginning to end. The theme is one that resonates with pet-owners and those who think about their own demise. There are no favorite lines; I cannot pick any as favored. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Asche Keegan

Tue, 2020-12-22 18:10

Asche Keegan's picture

I love this poem: the imagery, the metaphor, and the overall ideas expressed.

Some light critiques: In stanza one, the third line seems to refer back to the first line, leaving the reader confused at first.

To answer the review request questions: overall, the rhythm of your poem seems rather scattered, but the pacing is spot on. I do not understand the title. Your language use was great. The ending of the poem and the last stanza was my favorite part. The internal logic is consistent, yes.

Ultimately, I loved this poem and the story within it. I think it was well done, and you did a great job conveying the ideas it presented.

..................................................
https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

Michael Anthony

Tue, 2020-12-22 18:50

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Thanks TEDDY15, GEEZER, and KAREYN for taking the time to share your feedback! To address some comments:

- Axel is the name of the cat being referred to in the poem.
- Kareyn - The 3rd and 4th lines in the 1st stanza are a direct quote from "the guy on the radio", which inspired the piece. He was referring to his cat, Axel. Given your feedback, I may need to look at this for an edit of the work. Not sure how best to make it more clear, but that's why we wrestle with words while creating...
- Some seemed to like the rhythm, and some less so. Hmmm...

Thank again everyone!

Michael Anthony

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