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Re-Incarnation

Submitted by chima ononogbu on Wed, 2020-12-16 14:22

I am a mountain
Towering
Over my problems.

I am an ocean
Drowning
My pains.

I am the wind
Blowing
Away my distress.

I am the fire
Consuming
All my fears.

At dawn,
I wash my face
In brilliant colors
From up in the sky.

At dusk,
I rest my face
Upon the light
That burns down darkness.

Though I hear the roaring of thunders,
Though I feel the searing heat of the sun
Though I see the quakes of the earth,
Even so I stay sound asleep.

The world a place too many woes,
Where it feels always as dead.
But I arise as many times as I die,
For I am my reincarnation.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2020-12-16 15:40

Reincarnation

Hello, chima,
This flows so well, like a daily affirmation, almost a chant. It gives a strong sense of independence and well-being. I paused just a bit with "...I see the quakes of the earth..." - but recognize that you used "feel" in the above line and may want to include more perception. And I can actually visualize the earth moving, so I read on smoothly. Warm, inviting language. Peaceful.
Thank you!
Lavender

chima ononogbu

Wed, 2020-12-16 17:07