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Stars
Before the sun begins to fade away
The light so soft and elegant tonight
As stars they dance awaiting for the day
So beautiful and bashful in their light
As a painting blooming in the night sky
With the intention of celebrating
and giving the gift and the hope to fly
Visual beauty commemorating
They entrap my dreams and revive my mind
my eyes are caught within what they portray
Illuminating the sights that I find
Twisting my thoughts into a jangled fray
The sun is peaking, revealing morning
So for now the stars will wait in mourning
Last few words:
Just a high school piece I had lying around
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Irenicus
Wed, 2020-12-02 12:10
Excellent Sonnet
Your rhythm and rhyme is spot-on in this piece, and I too know the feeling very well.
Being one with cosmos.
Beautiful thoughts.
lovedly
Wed, 2020-12-02 14:21
nice Sonnet but apart from technicalities u may relay it
Before the sun begins to fade awayt
the light so soft and elegant tonight
as stars they dance awaiting for the day
so beautiful and bashful in their light
As a painting blooming in the night sky
with the intention of celebrating
and giving the gift and the hope to fly
visual beauty commemorating
They entrap my dreams and revive my mind
my eyes are caught within what they portray
illuminating the sights that I find
twisting my thoughts into a jangled fray
The sun is peaking, revealing morning
so for now (theXX) stars will wait in mourning
NOTE
ababcd etc 4 paras plus last two lines
and
why all caps I wondered
Hence you may like to score me
or rethink
A lovely piece
Geezer
Wed, 2020-12-02 14:38
I don't see...
all the caps that lovedly sees, but you may have replaced them. I do think that you should take a cue from him though, and rearrange this into verses/quatrains. Much more pleasing to the eye and easier to read. Very nice job! ~ Geezer.
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