Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Valentine Ages Away The revision is worth it
Valentine Ages Away
Such beauty resounds
In the eyes of lovers,
Who know the value of love.
Time severs,
Bones ache,
The forehead frowns permanently
The receding hairline indicates,
The once dense forest
That did exist,
Then when both lovers see
Fading lips
Twitching eyes
And
Can't see you dear
My spectacles are smashed,
You can’t hear,
But how happy we both are
We can smile...
Words unuttered
You know what I need.
Love glows in your eyes still
That’s all I want from you
Many Valentines have flown by
The Thames,
The Mississippi,
The Ganges,
The ebbing life
Still wants you more now,
Than ever before
Come love
Be my Valentine once more
Tonight as we merge.
The revision is worth it
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
mand
Mon, 2011-02-14 18:18
Hi Loved
This is so wonderful, I soo relate to this poem. ( Don't tell anyone though! ) Lol
Such beauty resounds in the eyes of lovers,
Who know the value of love?
Time severs, Yep!
Bones ache,
The forehead frowns permanently ( tick that box )
The balding head indicates,
The past dense forest once it did exist,
Then when both lovers see
Fading lips
Twitching eyes
And
Can i see you dear? ( tick that box )
My spectacles are broken,
You can’t hear,
But how happy we both are, ( tick that box )
We can smile
Words unuttered
You know what I need.
I just love all of this poem - it's honesty, it's niceness, it is just lovely. ( Not just saying that ).
Smiles all around.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxx
loved
Mon, 2011-02-14 21:56
A poet feels elated,
A poet feels elated,
If as one as much as appreciates,
A title a word or a sentence,
You have appreciated the whole poem.
It’s been worth my while,
My deafness brings,
Now no fears,
My failing eyes sight
A self projection,
Now brings no tears.
You have fanned my ego
Mand,
I wish I could come
and
hold your hand.
Thanks once again,
For once in a while,
I write poetry,
Which is not?
My usual style
loved
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-02-14 19:50
A poet feels elated, if as one as much as appreciates a title a
A poet feels elated,
If as one as much as appreciates,
A title a word or a sentence,
You have appreciated the whole poem.
It’s been worth my while,
My deafness brings,
Now no fears,
My failing eyes sight
A self projection,
Now brings no tears.
You have fanned my ego
Mand,
I wish I could come
and
hold your hand.
Thanks once again,
For once in a while,
I write poetry,
Which is not?
My usual style
loved
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-02-14 23:19
For ma'am Ann
as a quick reference
loved
author commentNordic cloud
Wed, 2011-02-16 03:53
I don't feel old, shudder Ann
I don't feel old, shudder Ann
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
loved
Wed, 2011-02-16 17:30
thanks
for ur kind visit
loved
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2011-02-16 22:40
hello
You have done well in describing love lasting through the frailties of age. I think lines 6 and 7 could use a bit of work though. maybe something like :
balding head gives no indication
of past dense forest once there
just an idea to consider....................scribbler
loved
Thu, 2011-02-17 18:46
Thanks
It has been totally revised as suggested .
Better may be
loved
author comment