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Haiku

Submitted by samary on Fri, 2020-11-20 12:25

winter spreading―
on a wire between two buildings
sheets stiffen
Samantha Beardon

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2020-11-21 10:40

Geezer's picture
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who will not believe that what you have written is Haiku; because they subscribe to the notion that there is only one way to count the meter. [5-7-5] I suggest that they look at some of the masters work; like:

Matsuo Basho:
Autumn moonlight -4
a worm digs silently -6
into the chestnut -5

Yosa Buson:
A summer river being crossed -8
how pleasing -3
with sandals in my hands -6

Masaoka Shiki:
After killing -4
a spider, how lonely I feel -8
in the cold of night -5

Kabayoshi Issa:
O snail -2
climb Mount Fuji -4
but slowly, slowly -5

I do believe that Westerners put limitations on Haiku, to make it
easier and more palatable to the masses. You have embodied the spirit of Haiku.
~ Geezer.
.

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