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On the endless road
I took off at dawn
after having cleared my lawn
left negative thoughts behind
to hell with my cruel past
beautiful n fascinating road
here I come
accept me as I slay
with nature's every grace
oh beautiful northern red oak
oh massive mountain
come closer and let me touch thee
you are an epitome of beauty
I inhale the splendid
never ending fresh air
and instantly fell in love
in nature I am lost
on and on and on I went
my sbalordito never end
I had no choice but to capitulate
in a beautiful morning
on a bus
and an endless road
I am trapped in the beauty of nature
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Tue, 2020-11-10 10:43
On the endless road
Hello, funmzy,
I pictured getting on my bike and travelling down your endless road. What a beautiful trip! "Nature's grace" for certain! (And I learned a new word: spalordito.) Thank you for this refreshing, invigorating poem.
Lavender
funmzy Artz
Fri, 2022-03-25 06:55
Welcome
@funmzy
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2020-11-12 11:23
Welcome...
to Neopoet. I hope that you find our site a welcome place and that you will use the critique and comments to help you become the poet that you want to be. I had some trouble with a couple of the words that you have used and wonder if you could tell me if they are French or Nigerian? I'm not sure if you meant to use the word [slay] in it's proper context and the word sbalordito, doesn't come up in Google. I also tried it with the spelling of spalordito as Lavender has spelled it. I think I undrstand your theme as being: A ride on the bus through some very beautiful countryside and you were enthralled; passing the time immersed in the beauty of it. ~ Geezer.
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Candlewitch
Fri, 2022-03-25 08:26
hello, nice to meet you!
in S2 L1 beautiful (and) fascinating road
S5 L1 (on) a beautiful morning
this is a lovely poem to start the day with. makes me feel like getting out of the house and having an adventure!
*hugs, Cat
*
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