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Her eyes want to murder me

Submitted by Schrey on Mon, 2020-11-02 18:13

Please protect me from a girl with blue eyes my bros,
Her eyes want to murder me you know,
Tell that girl to tie her hair,
Tell her to stop wearing nose pin you know,
And smile on her face is so cute though,
Please protect me from a girl with blue eyes my bro,
Her eyes want to murder me you know…

Her fragrance is smells good then flowers though,
Tell her to go away from me otherwise my heart will stop working you know,
I don’t know why yesterday I fall in love with her for second time,
If someone will ever hurt her I am gonna fight,
Her sharp eyes are killer you know,
Please protect me from a girl with blue eyes my bros,
Her eyes want to murder me you know…

I think she is a magician,
I think she did some magic on me who knows,
I am fucking love with her beauty you know,
When ever see looks into my eyes her eye colour changes into green you know,
This is how she hypnotized Schrey my bros,
She takes advantage of her beauty you know,
Please protect me from a girl with blue eyes my bros,
Her eyes want to murder me you know…

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I have been busy for couple of weeks and my exams are going to start so I have no idea how it will appeal to you.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Enter and Exit As You Please
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Viviana Smith

Tue, 2020-11-03 19:59

Viviana Smith's picture

so what are you trying to convey with this. Some of the lines don't make sense but some do so I don't understand. Is it supposed to be read from right to left. Can you elaborate. I like the idea of it but the structure is throwing me off.

Kisses,
Vivi

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