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GLASS PRISON

I have the choice of two windows
from which to look upon the world.
Each one reveals different shows
when, slowly, every day's unfurled.

One overlooks dense hoary oaks
where wood peckers and squirrels play.
Their constant solemn shade invokes
that all who visit come to stay.

The other commands a vista view
of tidy farms and wooded hills.
A sight that insists I imbue
my wanderlust for new seen thrills.

But it matters not for each window
invites me to a land forbidden me.
Places where I Used to go
when I was still young and free.

Now I'm bound to halls and a small room
and this infernal rolling chair
feeling I've already met my doom.
One day I'll pass through the glass and go out there.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Yes this is a contest poem. Kinda doubt it will win but I got to thinking about windows and how two windows in the same room can have such different views and this spilled out. and we will ALL escape to another place on a certain day

author comment

Welcome to the asylum lol. I am pleased you like this poem enough to give such in depth critique. I Will give each suggestion serious consideration when I do my first edit which will likely be in a week or so. I'll let this scribble gather some more ideas first.

author comment

Dear Alan, this is a lovely poem and is sure to win the contest. I was reading Thalassa's critique and learned a lot from her, so thank you T, if you see this.
The idea of two windows with different views is surprising, I'd not have thought of that. But you live in beautiful surroundings, so I understand.
I'll return for another read when you've done some tweaking, we had a power outage and it's gotten very late for me.
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I assume the Alan is a late night typo lol.I had thought about extending the two different views thing but figured it might make the poem too long and lord know most of my stuff is pretty long already. I'll likely do first edit over the week end. Thanks for dropping by

author comment

You now have another person who will ride your butt about metere and take you to task for your wonderful works! I feel like I can relax a little and just ride her coatails for a little. LoL Seriously, if her exhaustive review means that she likes it that much, you should finally get over calling your work "Scribblings". Sic 'em Thalassa! ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Happy you get a break from whipping me about meter. Just hope I don't wear her out lol.

author comment

all know by now why
no not shy
u also know
why
if any one beats you
let him not try
you know they will die
just try

I hope all is well with you. I fear that I keep wearing out those who keep trying their best to help me attain better meter............

author comment

I thought it was very good. I could hear the wanting of better things. Good luck in the contest.

Love and light. Namaste.

I am pleased you dropped by

author comment
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