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Death

Darkness
confusion
light
I feel myself being pulled beneath the water
plummeting
screaming
hurting
my last breath is like a petal falling
delicate and sorrowful
my head goes under
my brain still throbbing
something bright as the sun
shines before me
takes my hand
says "come"
I do

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a poem I wrote after I had a near death experience. Fill in the rest.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Dear Viv, your poem makes me shudder a little. Very well written. I supose a near death experience can take many forms, but yours is highly imaginative. Did you really feel like you say in your poem?
I imagine the light attracting you at the end of the nightmare, is that what it really was. Maybe it happened during surgery?
Enjoyed, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

sorry reading your response was funny. You took my poem to a completely different level than what it meant. My near death experience was drowning. I was in puerto rico at one of the water falls and i was like 9. I was kinda stupid and said oooh! pretty! then i went and walked right up to the falls. I automatically went under. Being small and skinny i couldn't get back out. No one helped me and i started to lose consciousness. Then out of the blue some guy pulled me up. I had blacked out by then. I was fine though. I hit my head on a rock and that's why I blacked out but no major damage. They saved me just in time. It was actually a funny story to tell afterward. The light in the poem represents jesus saying "its time!" If you know what I mean. :)

Kisses,
Vivi

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