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Pull Back The Curtain...

The Windows of The Soul
Are not the eyes, it seems
They are the ears that hear
Spoken, broken-hearted dreams

Doors can be locked up
Against the breach of trust
Fling them wildly open
Do not fear an honest thrust

There is no better way
To tell of an honest man
Than to hear their words
Speak of an innocent plan

So, do not meet in darkness
Speak out in brightest day
Let your truth be known
It is the only way

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

what a lovely addition to the competition,

Hey just a thought on the third stanza

There is no better way
To tell of a honest man---an instead of a? --an honest man -- or simply --to tell an honest man-- also works
Than to hear their words
Speak of an innocent plan

this is heartfelt, comes from your heart i can feel it , good advice too. Good Luck.

Thank you...Teddy

think on it Teddy. ~ Geez.
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author comment

I fid no fault nor flaws and this poem does show your tender side just beautiful

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
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Sometimes, my heart is on my sleeve. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

To me it reads much better now, of course sometimes it's an accent thing
But I really like it with one letter added
Always a pleasure to read your work.

Thank you...Teddy

Hello, Geezer! How are you?
Much to really like here, but for me, its simplicity is its greatest feature. All said honestly and to the point - something only an honest man may truly understand. "Speak out in brightest day..." Gives me a boost of faith just reading it.
Thank you!
L

Don't hide who you are, revel in the honesty of it! Glad to give you a boost of faith. Good to see you here and can't wait to see your latest work. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

Dear Geez, lovely poem. The change Teddy suggested was the only nit I had. It's perfect, great one for the competition. I especially like the opening strophe and the last one. The end rhymes, spacing and theme are all to my liking and cheered me up on this Mother's Day in Argentina.
It wasn't exactly a cheerful day for me, but that's a long story and I'm glad I've read your poem and feel a lot better.
Enjoyed, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

happy Mother's Day. Yes, I know that it is not a particularly happy day for you, but maybe if you think of it as having had the chance to bring a beautiful soul into this world... So glad that I could help you feel a little better by writing this; just trying to do my part. Be well, ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

Your last line is like a slap of cold rain that wakes the parched to salvation. Beautiful, and I love the rich, powerful morality of the whole poem. Truly a work worth writing. Truly a work worth reading.
The title is perfect, though I am curious why you put an ellipse after it?
Reading through and checking the meter, I do notice that your whole 3rd verse is way off. Ln2 has 7 beats (where 6 has been the pattern), Ln3, 5, and Ln4 a whopping 8. Reviewing the whole poem, I really can't tell what purpose this verse serves. It seems to be breaking up your logic in a vague, disconcerting way. The first two verses are clear, this one seems like it's trying to say something and only managing to mumble incoherently. (nothing personal, please don't be offended XD)
it's a good poem! But it really does need work.
The last verse is a little stiff in Lns2-3, especially 3, which feels forced.
My instinct tells me that Ln4 of Vs2 would sound better as "And fear no honest thrust" just with the whole more archaic feeling of the poem (less archaic, more philosophical, I think), however, it wouldn't work with your 6-6-6-7 beat pattern as exhibited by the first verse.
Then, hmmmm, Vs2 "Doors can be locked up" needs one more beat to be consistent.
The last verse is very disconnected altogether.
So, yeah, that's the honest truth. XD Hope it didn't shred you too bad.
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

I would be disappointed in you, if you did not give me your honest opinion. i will definitely look this one over and take your criticisms into account. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

I am surprised that you haven't noticed that there are elipses
after everyone of my titles. It is just a little idiosyncrisy of mine.
Something that I started a long while back and just have kept up;
kind of like a trademark.

The windows of the soul
Are not the eyes, it seems
They are the ears that hear
The broken-hearted dreams

A door can be locked up
Against a breach of trust
Fling it wildly open
Fear not, an earnest thrust

Do not meet in darkness
Speak up in honest ways
And let your truth be known
It is the only way
.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

That could be easily attributed to the fact that I am a very unobservant person. XD But such a neat personal touch! I like it.
That looks great! The meter flows SO much better, and is a lot easier to read. Though I still think the line "Speak out in brightest day" is stiff. Mostly the 'out' and 'brightest' which feel like they're there, not to enhance meaning, but add the necessary beats, you know? Space fillers. (but I could be wrong)
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

I made some more changes. ~Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

author comment

those new edits. They resonate with the meaning of the poem even more!
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

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