Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Wander

Submitted by Viviana Smith on Wed, 2020-10-14 12:58

looking around in real life
is better than looking at a flat world
seeing all the places you want to go
are better than imagining them
go out into the world and get lost
don't hide behind that paper map
when wandering you don't need any instructions
so don't go try to read them

A line is like a knife cutting a person or a place in half
what would our world be without maps
chaotic and wild
everyone likes to have a set of rules
or a boundary line to stand behind
I would just pack a bag and the clothes on my back
then cross that stupid boundary line
and explore the world it hides behind

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2020-10-15 07:51

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

you have done a fine job here. My only suggestion is that in the last line of the first verse, you use [trying] to read them.
Nice stuff! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.